By · @seltzerkimberly  ·  · 159 Shares

A woman walks into the room and a group of men flock to her like a magnet.  What is it about her?

That “it” factor is simpler than you may think.  It has to do with one key ingredient that makes any man melt and that is….


It’s how a woman owns what she has and being comfortable in her skin.  As a dating expert coach both men and women in the field so that I can observe people’s interactions with the opposite sex in their natural settings.  Every man says the same thing.  They find a confident woman extremely attractive and sexy.

Unfortunately, many women struggle with their confidence. They constantly compare themselves to others and pick themselves apart.  Also, women have often been programmed to focus and take care of others over themselves which presents a challenge to confidence building.

So how can you whip up a batch of confidence when you don’t have all of the ingredients?

There are some simple things you can do that can help build your magnetic confidence and attract that man.


The essence of flirting is expressing your interest in someone without committing yourself too seriously. In a nutshell, that means flirting is supposed to be fun and playful! Don’t focus too much on “getting it right”, and instead just try to enjoy the moment and let the interaction flow.

Do you feel more comfortable flirting with your words, eyes, touch, smile, or something else entirely?

To decide which flirting style feels best for you, think about your strengths and how you can use them to attract men. For example, if you have a killer sense of humor, you may want to flirt with men using your words. If you have stunning eyes play them up with makeup and use deliberate eye contact to reel him in.  Flirting is essentially showing the man you are interested.

Dress With A Feminine Flare 

Figuring out how to dress for a first date or capture a man’s eye is no easy task, but if you dress in a way that makes you look and feel confident then you know you are on the right track.

Your primary focus should be to dress in a feminine way that honors your beautiful figure. When choosing your outfit keep in mind that men love women in dresses, skirts, jewelry and heels. Don’t forget about the details. Do your nails, apply makeup, and style your hair so that it’s flowing.

Your goal for the first date is to appear mysterious, feminine and approachable. Make sure you’re not showing too much skin or dressing provocatively. Don’t overdo the makeup. Remember that sexiness is part intrigue and curiosity, so less is better.

Turn Your Cab Light On —

Many times when you are too focused on the results you forget to be in the moment and you send messages with your body language that you are “closed.”  You need to turn your cab light on and start sending signals to men that you are available and open to talking.  Smile, laugh and make eye contact with men every time you walk into a room.  It’s time to take notice of who is looking at you and invite men into your world.

Lure Him In With Body Gestures 

Body language speaks its own language of love.  You just need to hone in on giving the signals he knows how to translate.  For instance, draw attention to your neck, shoulders and wrists in order to attract male attention. Gestures like shrugging the shoulders, twirling your hair, flashing the inside of the wrists and massaging your own neck are all subtle invitations for a man to get closer to you. Women can engage in these alluring motions to subconsciously tease men.

Women are often amazed at how doing some of these subtle gestures can get great and quick results.  After studying and implementing some of these ingredients, you’ll start creating a recipe for success for feeling good about yourself and attracting that man like a magnet.

So get out there, have fun and get noticed!

Kimberly Seltzer

Kimberly utilizes the unique combined use of therapy, in-field date coaching and styling to help people with their confidence and dating life.

Kimberly Seltzer; Body Type Booklet –

For more confidence, connection and love: The Makeover Blueprint

What Do You Think?

2 Comments | Join the discussion

  • Sophia Nov 22, 2014 at 10:38 am

    Forgot to say thanks for the advice! BTW I’m 55 and he’s 43 – but doesn’t seem to notice – or care!

  • Tom Nov 29, 2013 at 5:46 pm

    I would like to REALLY underline the body language portion of this article. If I see a girl make eye contact (meeting eyes once can be enough, but a couple times really underlines it) then I [personally] make a point to approach and talk to her. If you look happy and like you’re having fun, you’re just that much more approachable, and if you throw that slightest bit of submissive body language in there it flips a lot of approach switches.


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