Some signs that a relationship is toxic aren’t so obvious. They seem to creep in over time. Here are 3 to look out for.
I don’t know a woman who hasn’t been in a toxic relationship. It happens to the strongest of us. So even if you think this may not apply to you, have a read anyway.
For simplicity’s sake, I use ‘he’ when referring to the person you’re in the relationship with.
However, you can insert any person you’re having a personal or professional relationship with (family, friends, clients, your boss, your colleagues…etc).
No. 1: Under the Microscope
I once had lunch with a woman who introduced me to her boyfriend. He second-guessed, scrutinized, dismissed or challenged everything we said.
Insecure people often use criticism, dismissal, devaluation and disapproval to feel better about themselves and have control over others.
Does he second-guess or devalue your thoughts, opinions, value or words?
Do you find find yourself second-guessing your own thoughts during or after conversations with him?
As a high value woman, it’s up to you to set self-loving boundaries that repel people who don’t genuinely respect you—yet attract those who do.
No. 2: Hello Stranger
A few months after ending a toxic relationship, I flew to visit a girlfriend who lived in another city.
During dinner she said, “Rhonda I got this huge burst of sun-like energy the moment you stepped out of the car. When I saw you last year, I was like… well, I’m not saying you were unattractive, but you were a lot different. You weren’t your radiant self.”
When I look at photos during that period of my life, I don’t even recognize myself. I literally changed physically.
Every day I get email from women across the globe who say they got into a relationship 5, 10 or 20 years a go and one day they didn’t recognize themselves. They had no idea who they were anymore.
A few signs of unhealthy transformation due to a toxic relationship:
- You’ve aged more rapidly since you’ve been with him.
- You’ve gained (or lost) a lot of weight.
- You’ve changed habits dramatically.
- You’ve lost interest in things that used to stimulate you.
- You’ve changed things about yourself to please him—but didn’t really want to.
This is just the tip of the iceberg! The list is endless, but this is a great place to start.
No. 3: The Payback
One of my clients told me about a guy she dated who kept score. He’d say things like, “Oh, I did this and that for you last time” or “It’s your turn.” He made sure she remembered everything he ever did for her.
Most times, it’s not that obvious, not every comes out and says, “Hey, you owe me!”
Sometimes it comes across as a quiet (highly) uncomfortable energy he transmits to you.
Sometimes he gets upset when you don’t want to do something he asks, but never explains why.
Sometimes the energy feels so uncomfortable, you find yourself doing things you don’t want because you feel obligated.
In a healthy relationship, both parties give freely—without expecting anything in return.
Do you notice one or more of these behaviors in any of your past or present relationships (personal or professional)?
Here’s an action you can take today…
Today’s High Value Woman™ Action
Spend time alone thinking about what you really want and who you truly are. Often, this means taking a break from the relationship—even leaving altogether—depending on how damaging it is.
It’s not easy, but you’ll feel great once you’ve regained your sense of self. I’ve done it myself and it was the best, most freeing and loving thing I could have done for myself.
“One of the best times for figuring out who you are & what you really want out of life? Right after a break-up.” ― Mandy Hale
Spread the love. Do “Like” this on Facebook and share it with your girlfriends who are ready to discover, own and show their highest value.
With love and in service,
Rhonda “Detox Your Relationships” Cort
P.S. Did you find value in this article? Join The High Value Woman™ international tribe of savvy women living their highest value, personally and professionally. Visit my bio to get access to the FREE audio “4 Secrets to Showing You’re a High Value Woman.”