You pretty much know after the first date with a man whether or not you want it to go any further. If he’s a good match for you personality wise, and he’s at a good place in his life where he is ready to take on at least some level of commitment, there’s a chance that it could lead to a relationship.
If you’re already imagining what his last name would sound like on you, you’ll definitely want to continue reading this.
So that chance that I was talking about just now… do you want to maximize that chance, or do you want to just… well, leave it all to chance?
If you want to maximize your chances with him and everything is still fairly new, do as little as possible. It sounds super counterintuitive, and that’s the whole point! As a man, he’s looking for the opportunity to pursue you. If you make it too easy for him, the challenge will be down the drain and I promise you he will lose interest.
Let’s go a little further into why your best chance at a relationship with him is to let him do all the work…
#1: If You Let Him Chase You, You’ll Have NO Doubts in Your Mind That He Is Interested in You
Think about men you’ve dated in the past…
Do you ever remember at some point wondering to yourself how into you he was?
Do you ever remember thinking, “Does he really like me, or am I just… convenient for him?”
And then you feel anxious and unsure and the whole thing usually turns to crap, right?
Well what if you could know without a shadow of a doubt that he really, really liked you?
What if you knew he wanted more of you, all the time?
If you let him do all the chasing in the beginning, as long as he keeps coming towards you, you’ll know. If he keeps calling you, texting you, asking you when he can see you again, and planning dates all on his own, that will be your answer.
#2: We Think We’re Being Bitchy, but Men Actually Like to Chase Us
We always think that if we don’t show enough interest, he will think we aren’t interested, and he will lose interest, or give up. The opposite is true.
In the beginning of a romance, men thrive on the chase. He loves pursuing you. If you start initiating things too early on – like sending a good morning text first, or innocently texting him something funny that happened during your lunch break, you’re taking his job away from him, and you’re taking all of the fun out of it for him!
The longer you can hold off initiating first and keeping some of your mystery, the longer it keeps things exciting for him, and that excitement that he feels surrounding the concept of you, is what continues to fuel his desire to get closer.
#3: It Takes All the Pressure Off of YOU
If you’re allowing him to do all the texting, calling, and stepping up in the beginning, you won’t have to. Doesn’t that take so much pressure off of you? It does, trust me, because when you feel like you’re putting in all of this effort to “get him to like you,” if you don’t get what you want afterwards, you’ll only upset yourself.
It’s Friday night and you haven’t heard from him since Tuesday. You want to text him, and you have plans to go out with your girls anyway, so you tell yourself if he doesn’t answer, you won’t care. NOT TRUE. Stop lying to yourself!
If you text him, you’re hoping for a response. End of story. And if you don’t get a response, or you don’t get the kind that you wanted, you’ll either feel angry, insecure, anxious, bummed, or something similar. So why bother putting yourself through that?
#4: You Shouldn’t Want to Be With Someone Who Isn’t Crazy Into You Anyway!
If a guy is on the fence about you and he’s just not sure… or maybe needs some “convincing,” forget him. You shouldn’t want it to turn into a relationship with someone like that. Unless he can continue to pursue you on his own without any prompting from you, why would you want him?
It’s not game playing. It’s not manipulating. It’s holding a high standard for yourself that if a man wants you all to himself, he’s going to have to work for it, because you’re worth it. Some people might call it playing games no matter what, but I call it respecting yourself enough to allow yourself to be with a man who will pursue you the way you deserve. Why settle for anything less than that?
You should practice thinking so highly of yourself and living your life to its full potential so much that you hardly even notice if a guy (who isn’t even committed to you yet) isn’t contacting you… who cares?
Will it reach a point in time where you can start initiating on your own?
Obviously, yes. Once you’re in a committed relationship with someone who makes you (and keeps you) happy, and he’s proven his value to you over a period of time (6 months-1 year).
For early stages though, let him do work. Drop the relationship ball, and see if he picks it up. If he does, being warm and receptive to him is all you have to do. If he doesn’t, then it takes all the guessing work out for you, and you know he’s not worth your time.