Welcome back to the last part of this series!
To Read Part 1, CLICK HERE!
To Read Part 2, CLICK HERE!
So, Really, Why Didn’t He Call Me Back?
In Rachel Greenwald’s book Why He Didn’t Call You Back, she describes a particular instance with a man she interviewed who explained why he didn’t call a woman back after a seemingly successful first date.
The woman said she could never leave New York City.
Yep, that’s it. When Greenwald asked him to explain why that made him not call her ever again, he said he wanted to raise a family possibly outside of New York, possibly even outside a big city. And when he heard that, he thought there was no way that could work.
Now you might be thinking, “But she just said that on a date. Maybe she didn’t mean it!” or “If he gave their relationship a shot, maybe down the line she would change her mind.” Maybe she didn’t, and maybe she would have. But when you make definitive statements like that, you must prepare yourself for the fact that it might not align with the value set of the guy who’s paying for your dinner.
But He Said He Would Call!
Although I’ve said that men usually mean what they say and say what they mean, that doesn’t always apply to the earliest stages of dating. Think about it. When you first go on a date (or initially start dating), you’re both giving the best side of yourself; it’s like an audition. So he might say he’ll call, and he might say he had a really nice time, and he probably meant it!
But he meant it at the time. He may not mean it tomorrow. So what does that mean for you? Well for one, just enjoy the date in the present. Don’t overthink it. Also, there’s no need to send a follow-up text letting him know how much you enjoyed your evening. If he enjoyed it as much as you, he’ll call. And if he doesn’t, even if he said he would, it’s not a match. It simply means he’s helping you make space for the right guy to enter your life.
If you’re sick of “Bad Boys,” “Players” and guys who just won’t commit, you need to go watch this new educational presentation Michael Fiore put up… CLICK HERE!
Don’t Make Excuses for His Vanishing Act or Continue to Stick Around
If you’re dating a guy for more than a month or two, chances are you’re sleeping together. If you are and your guy disappears, it’s not in your favor to simply excuse his behavior and let things go back to exactly the same way they were. If he disappears for three or four days, or even a week, and reappears as if nothing has happened, and you don’t do anything about it, you allow him to think it’s acceptable for him to check in and out of your relationship (which really isn’t a relationship at all).
Instead, here’s a recommended conversation to have if this occurs:
“Hey, John, I want to make sure that this is a relationship that both you and I think is worth pursuing. I don’t know that I feel like it’s headed in that direction. What do you think?”
If he went to Seattle, his answer will sound something like this:
“Well, Jane, I was actually thinking about whether or not this was something I felt prepared for. And so last week I really took some time to think about it, and I’m ready to make this more serious. What do you think about being exclusive?”
And if you feel the same way, then you have a keeper!
If his answer sounds more like this:
“I got really busy, sorry. Wanna come over?”
… I would recommend YOU run for the hills. Any guy who disappears for a week and has no good reason for his disconnect isn’t worth your time.
You need to make sure when you make the choice to get intimate with someone that you’re really ready to progress to that step. Also, be prepared to accept whatever comes next. If he stops calling, you can pretty easily figure out why. If he continues calling, you can also figure out why: he likes you! (At least for the time being, so have a good time, feel it out, and be open in your communication.)
So When Should I Sleep With Him?
If you ask guys across the board, you might get different answers. Some say if you sleep with a man too early, he won’t perceive you as the “relationship” type. However, some say that if it’s the right fit, it doesn’t matter at all when you sleep with him. You can talk about it, you can wait, but do know that if you sleep with a guy and he disappears on you… again, he’s not the man of your dreams.
That being said, it can be very hurtful to get intimate with someone and have him vanish on you without a trace. So in order to keep your heart intact, decide how you want to proceed ahead of time. A night of cocktails and getting busy in the heat of the moment will not always end well or in the way you want it to end for you.
What You Can Do Today to Help Ensure the Next Guy You Date Doesn’t Vanish
- Stay present. Don’t get ahead of yourself.
- Let him pursue you.
- Listen to his words (and watch his actions).
- Let him take the lead in following up.
- Plan your wedding AFTER he proposes.
- Really get to know him before you get upset that he vanished.
- Remember that if a guy vanishes, he’s not the guy for you. He did you a favor, so thank him in your memoir.
Is there a special guy you have set your sights on, but you don’t know how to get him? Do you wish you knew what to do to make him yours? Claire Casey’s Capture His Heart is exactly what you need. For a step-by-step guide to wrapping that man around your finger => CLICK HERE!