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I get how frustrating it can be when men who seem to want to hurt you keep showing up. These are the men who don’t call when they say they will, disappear for days (or weeks) at a time, take you for granted, use you for sex, and just leave you feeling pretty bad.

Wrong Man Any Good in Finding the Right Man?You start to question whether you’ll ever find a good guy or if you’re just a loser magnet.

It gets very tempting to throw in the towel – to surrender to being perpetually single.

This happened to me over & over again, yet somehow I kept getting back up on that horse – even though it kept trying to buck me off! Now it may seem ludicrous to keep putting yourself through this kind of torture, but if you ever want to find good-feeling, healthy love (and I know you DO), you need to understand this one thing:

These Types Of Men Show Up For One Purpose: To Trigger You!

These men aren’t showing up by accident.

You’re calling them in, usually because you have “lessons” you need to learn.

If you’re always attracted to (and attracting) men who hurt & frustrate you it’s because you need to learn to be firm in your boundaries.

Are You Letting Men Get Away With Too Much?

Are men wiping their feet on you like you’re some kind of door mat? The answer is “yes” if any of these things sound familiar:

  • I’m available for last minute dates when he calls
  • I’ll often drive to him or at least to some place convenient for him
  • I sometimes pick up the tab for our dates
  • I rearrange my schedule to accommodate him
  • I’ll usually shrug it off if he doesn’t call when he says he will (even though I’m pissed or really disappointed)
  • I don’t say what I really want because I’m afraid of pushing him away
  • I feel angry a lot & direct it towards him (or myself, or others) at random times

These are all signs that you’ve got weak boundaries. Don’t worry – lots of women do. And here’s why it’s actually a good thing when these boundary-pushers show up:

That’s When You Get to Practice Being Strong on the Inside.

It’s not about trying to change him or get him to do what we want. It’s all about standing firm in our boundaries & holding fast to what works for us. All the behaviors above are signs that you’re soft on the inside, where you should be strong.

Your softness should be your exterior, feminine self. That’s what beckons a man to you in the first place. Your strength should be your self-esteem, confidence, security & firm boundaries.

These men actually help you get there!

You get to practice stating what you want while rejecting what you don’t.

This is the type of man who usually vibes out of your existence once he sees he can’t push your boundaries or get you to engage in games. Sometimes it takes several of these men before you really connect to yourself, refuse to budge or get invested, and simply keep your eyes on the prize.

And, it’s all done in a very seamless way. No drama.

There’s no need to get into a guessing game (why is doing this, why is this happening, etc). ALL you need to know is he isn’t giving you what you want. That’s it. So you move on.

THEN, it’s like the Universe sees you’ve learned this lesson so it no longer needs to send you triggers to continue the learning process.

You’ve passed with flying colors!

Now the good stuff starts – better men start showing up – the ones who want to honor your boundaries & give you what you desire.

So, the next time a Boundary-Pusher shows up, say “thank you” to the Universe for this opportunity to “burst forth” into better things.

Then get busy building your boundaries. Like this:

  • Tell him you need at least 2 days notice before a date
  • Have him pick you up or meet you somewhere convenient for you
  • Let him pay
  • Never rearrange your schedule for him, simply tell him when you’re available & let him work things out
  • If he doesn’t call when he says he will, call him on it. Tell him you want on man you can depend on. Watch your tone though. Don’t be demanding, simply tell him what you want.
  • Always, always, always tell him what you want. And let him know when he’s making you happy (so he can do more of that!)
  • Get really good at knowing what you want & expressing it in a healthy way so that when a man comes along who simply can’t or won’t give it to you, there’s no anger or drama. You just recognize he’s not for you & move on

I want you to have a smooth ride to true love. It doesn’t have to be tumultuous. When you recognize that all men who show up do so for a reason, you can start breezing down the path that leads to happily-ever-after, appreciating all the scenery along the way.

Let me know how this works for you. I love hearing from you!

Valarie O'Ryan

Valarie is a Certified Dating & Relationship Coach, Master Coach Teacher for Rori Raye, & author of Attract Your Mr. Right.

Visit Valarie’s website at to get your FREE “3 Ways To Make Him Irresistibly Attracted To You” & start attracting the right man now.

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