Are you afraid of being alone? Do you think you will be alone forever? If so, you aren’t the only one. This fear could have a very detrimental effect on your love life.
hen we fear being alone, we stay in relationships that don’t work because we think there won’t be anyone else. We might stay with someone who mistreats us, puts us down or worse, abuses us physically. I was one of those. It didn’t matter how I looked, how physically fit I was, I had the same fear so many people do. I was afraid to be alone, with me.
I jumped from marriage to marriage before I found the common denominator in all my failed relationships was me! My childhood trauma kept me in bad relationships because I didn’t feel worthy.
Numbness, trauma from the past, dysfunctional families can contribute to the fear of being alone. When our self-esteem is low, we doubt ourselves. We think we aren’t attractive enough, or worthy of love. We think no one will love us. When we find someone that will give us a little attention, we grab them and hold on tight.
The term co-dependence comes from being addicted to relationships. We become addicted to relationships where we make the relationship more important than our own well-being. We find ourselves feeling lost, broken, even empty and look for someone else to fill us up. The truth is no one can do this for us, but us.
When we are focused on having any warm body to be with, we forget the importance of taking care of ourselves. We might settle for someone less attractive, or that doesn’t treat us in a loving way, just to have a relationship. A relationship should never be made more important than your personal emotional, physical health and well-being. A study published in The Journal Of Personality and Social Psychology found that people would forgo relationship quality settling for partners who were less attractive and less responsive out of fear of being alone.
I overcame my fear of being alone by loving and appreciating myself. Instead of being focused on getting to know a new man, I began to focus on getting to know myself. Instead of putting all my time and energy into a relationship that wasn’t satisfactory, I began to enjoy my own company. I began to have fun doing the things I loved. As a result, I stayed single becoming more comfortable being alone with me. It took me over thirty years to become completely happy with myself so that I can now share my wisdom with others.
Here Are a Few Suggestions to Begin Enjoying Yourself More:
- Write a list of ten things you love about you.
- Write a list of ten things you love to do (by yourself) i.e. take a bath, do a. facial, get your nails done, read a book.
- Write a list of the things you are passionate about. (Try to do one thing from this list each day)
- Find a way to volunteer at a pet shelter, or homeless shelter. (Doing things for others is scientifically proven to help us feel happier)
You don’t have to stay in a bad relationship. You are worth so much more. You deserve to have love. You deserve to be held, appreciated and revered for who you are. There are many ways to begin to love yourself, you can go it alone like I did or shorten the process by hiring a loving coach. When you begin to enjoy being with yourself more you will also recognize your value. When you recognize your value you, will stop settling for any relationship.
The time spent working with a coach, like me who already love themselves could serve you well. When you love yourself, you begin to recognize your self-worth. A coach will support you through the process of getting to know yourself and help encourage you to set your sights higher. Rather than settling for someone that is not supportive, loving and attractive to you, you raise your standards and wait for someone who is. You deserve a loving partner who appreciates who you are.