I’m a Dating Coach now and I help single clients find love by getting clear about their ideal relationship and partner. That being said, back in my single days, to put it bluntly, I really SUCKED at dating.
You see, my parents married young and did not have much dating experience in life so when I went to them for dating advice, I would hear things like “just don’t sleep with anyone” or “you should find a good man and marry him”.
I tried finding information at school, but there were no classes on dating and relationships and I must admit I wasn’t much of a reader back then, so library books were not on the menu.
By my 30’s, I was tired of this style of trial and error with dating so I found the dating advice I always coveted in the form of workshops and books and dating experts whom I could learn from. I knew, I wanted a great marriage with a great guy, who became a great husband! And within a very short time after my journey into dating self-discovery, I found him and the life I always dreamed of.
So here’s my 5 Conscious Dating lessons that lead me to meeting the love of my life.
Lesson #1: I Took Accountability for My Results
Accountability is about one thing… not blaming others for what is otherwise in your control. So I stopped blaming all my boyfriends for all of my failures. For the first time, I had to admit there was only one common denominator in all my relationships… ME! Whether it was jumping into a relationship too fast or just making excuses for all the red flags I saw, I had to look no further than my bathroom mirror to see who needed to change… And I did!
Lesson #2: I Made a List of Deal-Breakers aka Non-Negotiables (A Real List!)
I sat down and begin to create a list of horrible behaviors my exes portrayed that made us fight and/or break up. The things that I knew if He/We did not have in our relationship then it was doomed. From things like lying to cheating, to his actions not matching his words, to not being financially stable… I bared it all. Nowhere on that list was his education or weight or the amount of money he had. I had to look at my values and what I needed, not the numerous superficial desires I listed before. Like most of my clients in my Conscious Dating Programs, I ended up with about 10 to 15 of them.
Lesson #3: I Accepted Being a Happy Single
Hmm… this one wasn’t an easy task at first. I seriously was triggered every time one of my parent’s friends would ask, “Why isn’t Amie married yet?”
Like not being married in your late 20s and early 30s was some kind of disease, I began to wonder if even a shitty marriage was better than no marriage at all. It seemed everyone else around me thought so. It took a lot of inner work to finally channel my awesome inner singleness and stand tall by saying, “I’m happy being single until I find the right one.”
Then comes the obligatory eye roll or sigh from them indicating they thought there’s something wrong with me. Either way, it was my life, I no longer let anyone else’s influence dictate my own unique life journey to love. And when I stopped caring about what everyone thought, I reached a whole new level of confidence and freedom. And surprisingly, the guys I dated told me how sexy they found this “I’m ok being single attitude” to be (not that their opinion mattered lol).
Lesson #4: I Paid Attention to My Partner’s Actions, Not Just His Promises
This is the #1 thing that shows a person’s character in any situation, whether it be in dating, business, or even friendships. I used to date guys who would promise me the world in the beginning and, oh would I would fall in love with their words. But when it came to actions, actually giving me the world, I never saw any results. It was all promise and no commitments.
I decided to change my approach and balance my heart with my head. Rather than listen to all the promises men showered me, I begin to pay attention to their actions and the consistency of their actions before I would let my guard down. If it took weeks, months, so be it. This approach worked really well because I could sniff their bull from a mile away. It’s this little nugget that conscious dating is all about :).
Lesson #5: I Was the Chooser, Rather than the Chosen
I always used to worry about impressing my dates. I mean, if the goal is to get a guy to like you, you have to bring out all stops, and get him to pick you right? Wrong! Armed with my new list of non-negotiables, I began to screen my dates against the list. No matter how hot the guy was, if he didn’t meet every darn thing on the list with consistency… I was not interested. It was just that simple.
It was the first time I was CHOOSING rather than hoping to be chosen. And by my 4th online date, I ended up meeting the love of my life, my now husband. And he is everything I wanted in a partner. My Non-negotiable list continues to work too, because after nearly 5 years of marriage, I couldn’t be happier.
So don’t get down in the dumps if you’re struggling to find that special person. Use my 5 lessons and apply it to your own life, you’ll meet the love of your life in no time.
If you need help figuring all this out, I’m here to help with my Conscious Dating approach.
Do you want to know how to make any man love you? Watch this special video presentation called “3 Steps To Make A Man Love You” now! It teaches you the 3 Simple Steps any woman can take to make a man not just “fall” for a girl. . . but to actually make him obsessed with her so HE decides he WANTS to be serious… CLICK HERE!