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I don’t know a woman alive who doesn’t want to be desirable to men. You know, if they’re heterosexual. And yet, women engage in a plethora of rituals to achieve this goal only to achieve superficial desirability.

Sure, healthy hair, manicured nails and smart accessories make us more appealing. But these things only scratch the surface. The desirable woman is a more layered creature than what readily meets the eye. So, once that handsome specimen spots you from across the crowded cyber room, what then? Will he invest months, let alone years, into a relationship with you because you’ve managed to achieve a coveted flawless complexion? No, no he won’t.

Lean in, here are the 5 habits of the highly desirable woman. She:

1. Takes care of herself.

We’ve already established that self-care is more than grooming. First, let’s be clear, being a woman today, with its myriad of roles and responsibilities, is no cakewalk. You’re expected to balance the demands of a wife, mother, professional, daughter, and more…without breaking a sweat. Which is precisely why you’ve got to put you at the top of your to-do lists.

First, your happiness  and emotional well-being are your responsibility. Want to know the true fountain of youth?  Besides energy, youthfulness and clear skin, working out 3-4 times a week builds confidence. And fit women are more assertive in their relationships? No kidding.

2. Is confident.

Want to be irresistible to men?

I thought so. Okay, then be confident. Men say confidence is the most attractive thing that a woman can wear. Here’s how…

a. Embrace your uniqueness.
b. Stop  comparing yourself with other women. Know that another’s woman’s beauty, charm, smarts…do not negate you in any way. Want to be magnetic, be confident.

3. Declines to compete with other women.

You can’t escape other beautiful women. There will always be a woman at the gala that turns heads, including the head of your date. But don’t despair. Remember #2. Don’t compete. Don’t trash other women to your date. And resist the urge to “piss on the tree.” That is, don’t kiss, hug, or wipe dressing from your man’s mouth solely to mark your territory. See, competing screams, “I’m insecure! I feel inadequate!” Calm down and whisper sweet nothings in your own ear.

4. Doesn’t chase men.

What ever you do ladies, never, ever, ever, ever chase a man. Especially don’t run down a cheating man.  But let’s not go there just yet; let’s first start at the beginning. Do show interest by flirting. If you don’t know what that looks like it’s intentional eye contact, a “that’s a nice shirt” or “there’s something about a man that wears cologne!” If he’s interested, he’ll make a move. If he isn’t, smile graciously and move on. I seriously doubt that there’s anything more attractive than a woman who KNOWS she’s alluring.No matter what Do. Not. Chase. Cling. Clutch. Or Claw at a man.

Now about cheating lovers. The biggest mistake a woman can make when her man cheats is to NOT upset the applecart. You need to disturb the status quo, put some emotional distance between you and the cheater. See, when a woman pours more into a man after learning he has strayed her actions scream two things: 1. I think I’m not enough, that’s why you cheated and #2. I’ll compromise my dignity and compete for your attention. Wrong. Remember #3, the desirable woman does NOT compete with other women. Drop him. Distance yourself. He must FEEL your absence. When he begs your forgiveness and wants to reconcile, reconsider s-l-o-w-l-y.

5. Is easy.

Laughter, wittiness, charm, playfulness, are all traits that men love in women. The fun, easy…to love and like woman is sexy and desirable? Who knew! Men love a lightness of being, are drawn to it and want to contribute to it. They love knowing they make you happy, and if you start out that way, well, it makes being with you that much easier.

Now you know, even if you aren’t the prettiest woman at the ballgame, you can be one of the most desirable when you practice these five habits.

DeBora M. Ricks

DeBora M. Ricks is the author of Why Did He Break Up With Me? Lessons in Love, Loss & Letting Go and Love Addicted: One Woman’s Spiritual Journey Through Emotional Dependency and Write That Book! How to Start or Finish the You are Meant to Write. DeBora has appeared on such shows as NPR’s Tell Me More with Michel Martin, WHUR, WOLB, WBAL-TV and WJZ-13. She is also the host of She Struts Radio, on Blogtalkradio. DeBora is the former executive producer of The Anthony McCarthy Show, a WEAA cultural affairs talk show. She travels the globe but calls Baltimore home.  Visit DeBora at

What Do You Think?

4 Comments | Join the discussion

  • FLICKMOMMA Jun 15, 2015 at 1:52 pm

    GIRL, CHASING A MAN IS FOR THE BIRDS…I HAVE ENOUGH CONFIDENCE FOR U AND ME. LISTEN, THIS IS what i know and u should know it, believe it and FEEL IT…I know I’m not the PRETTIEST woman n the world but I’m certainly not the UGLIEST. I don’t have the BEST body but I don’t have the WORST either. Sometimes I put myself together a little eyeshadow, let my hair down and just b sexy. WE AS WOMEN DO NOT CHASE BUT WE CHOOSE WHO WE WANT. MEN LIKE CHALLENGES but we do too sometimes. Rosie what I do know let him simmer for a minute, don’t b quick to answer his calls, don’t b quick to c him…then watch wat happens..None of us wanna loose the best thing that has happened to us, the guy, he will get his mind right. In the meantime just be ur SEXY self. Tell urself over again until its stuck n your head how sexy u r. When we stop giving them attention they wanna know why..but dont chase that fool

  • t-byrd Jul 14, 2014 at 7:52 pm

    #4 Heck No! If you need to cheat then you don’t want or need me. Get gone!

  • Rosie May 23, 2014 at 11:51 am

    Great advice, thanks, concise but cover enough good actions to take. Very difficult to do especially #4, take a lot of courage to be able to do #4 if you in that situation.

    • DeBora M. Ricks

      DeBora   Rosie May 29, 2014 at 8:24 am

      You know Rosie, not chasing after what you want can present a challenge. Until you remember that you’re the “prize.” Too many women forget that. If a man can pursue a great body by working out, ambitiously climb the career ladder, and hunt for that perfect vehicle, doggone it, he can put some energy into pursuing me. If not, then that’s his loss.

      As for the cheating man, he simply doesn’t deserve more than you’ve already given him. If he can’t appreciate your presence, then let him appreciate your absence.


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