When you first got married, you probably maintained a high level of sexual energy rather easily.
But after two or three years, you may have noticed your sexual energy waning. And after a baby or a demanding job (or both!) came along, you may have been alarmed to find that it had disappeared altogether.
If that’s the case, you’re not alone. For many women, the demands of family, career and community responsibilities can drain every ounce of sensuality and eroticism from their lives. In fact, it’s not uncommon for married women to lose all interest in maintaining intimacy and enjoying sex with their husbands.
But sex is important, for you and for your marriage. You’re a sexual person, and you deserve to enjoy sex and intimacy in your life. And your marriage is a sexual relationship – it thrives on the connection that sex and intimacy build between you and your husband.
Fortunately, you can rekindle your sexual energy. Here are 5 ways to add it to your life and your marriage:
1. Take Care of Yourself
Chances are, you’re doing too much for others and too little for yourself. You can’t do everything for everyone and still maintain any semblance of an erotic life. So make some changes. Decide to say “no” to some things. Get more sleep. Eat well – more real foods, fewer processed foods. Take a walk or exercise every day. And pamper yourself in small ways that make you feel good.
2. Start Some Sexy Communication
Most of the day-to-day conversations we have with our husbands sap our sexual energy. So counter the energy drain by adding some sexual innuendo to your communication. Make it lighthearted at first, then steamier over time. If using sexy language seems awkward, start with texting.It took me years to realize that my husband and I could have a lot more fun with texting than the usual “who’s picking up who and when?” conversations. And once you get a sexy conversation started, keep it going.
3. Engage In Some Public Displays of Affection
Nothing tasteless, but why should teenagers and selfie celebrities have all the fun? It really is okay for married couples to show some mild sexual affection at home and in public. So kiss him like you mean it, pull him close, grab his butt, or sit on his lap every now and then. Your kids will act like they hate it and other people might find it annoying, but who cares. Your kids actually like knowing that their parents still love each other, and other people are probably just jealous.
4. Allow Yourself to Feel Sexy
Figure out what makes you feel sexy and do it – often. Trade in the yoga pants or business attire every now and then for clothes that make you feel good – a great pair of heels, jeans that hug your curves, a shirt that’s just your color. Go on a date with your husband and wear something alluring. Color your hair. Put on some makeup. Play sexy music. Dance. Use sensuous candles or essential oils. If you don’t know what makes you feel sexy, experiment. When you figure it out, do it regularly.
5. Change Things Up
At the beginning of your marriage, everything was new and exciting. But soon, you settled into a pattern and everything, including sex, became routine. The problem is, routine kills sexual energy. So change things up regularly. Do simple things – make love in a different place or at a different time of day, take a shower together,or try a new position. Even something as simple as making love while lying at the foot of the bed instead of the head, or on a blanket on the floor, can inject energy into your sex life. And once in a while, do something really different – go away together for a weekend, send the kids away and enjoy an evening of prolonged lovemaking, give each other sensual massages, or try out a sex toy.
The stresses of daily life will rob you and your marriage of sexual energy, if you let them. So don’t let them! Do something every day to feel sexy or increase intimacy in your marriage, and watch your sexual energy levels soar.