After a breakup, you get a strong urge to start dating just to feel you still ‘got it’… Or you want to bury yourself in work—and never date again.
The problem is you keep adding to the baggage. Do this instead…
In a comment under last week’s article, DRI community member Odette asked me, “How do we become emotionally free?”
I’ll share a few today that I have personally used and supported other women in using.
Roll In Mud
Often, after a roll in the hay, there’s a roll in the mud. Not as fun, but hey, that’s life!
Breakups can be very traumatic.
You’ll want to phone, text or email him.
You’ll want to block, push down, eat away or ignore the pain.
It. Will. Come. Out.
…And it won’t be in a nice way.
So take a day (or three) to wallow in the mud of your breakup, cry a river and listen to the Top 100 Breakup songs while feeling like crap.
This will happen once you get over the initial shock of the breakup.
The emotional release is natural, healthy and it feels good.
Select Your Mud Buddy
During one particularly hard break up, I turned to one of my best friends. (Who happens to be a pastor and counselor)
We went to dinner, had a slumber party and breakfast the next morning.
All we did was talk about my ex, my relationship and how I felt about my breakup. I cried and cried…and I cried some more.
She was there to listen and offer advice—if I requested it.
It felt wonderful!
Every high value woman needs a (wise and non-judgmental) high value friend to talk to at these times.
Don’t shut your friends out.
The Mandatory Man-Cation
So you’ve wallowed in it. You’ve showered.
Now you don’t know what to do with yourself.
Avoid throwing yourself into another relationship—or string of relationships.
Instead, gift yourself an amount of time to live man-free. No dates.
It could be 2 months, 6 months or a year—depending on how you feel.
After a particularly hard breakup, I didn’t date A SOUL for 9 months and I waited a year to date with the intention of getting into a relationship.
The time isn’t set in stone. A general rule of thumb, the more serious the relationship, the longer you’ll probably need.
However, don’t get TOO comfy in your man-cation. You could end up being there permanently. I met a woman who got lost in her work—and only “woke up” 5 years later.
That’s why it’s important to give yourself a specific amount of time, then evaluate how you feel at the end of it.
TIP: Tell a girlfriend know what you’re doing. Give her permission to drag you out—kicking and screaming, if she must—at the end of the man-cation so you won’t become a hermit 🙂
Now you’re probably wondering, “What do I actually DO during my man-cation?”
You may know Athena is the Greek goddess of wisdom and military victory. In order to “win” at love and in relationships, you also need to be strategic.
You’re going to do some exploring.
Write down everything you learned about yourself (and the man you dated) in this relationship. Write out the things you’ll miss and the things you won’t miss.
Don’t keep it in your head!
Investing the time to do this will keep you level-headed—when you’re feeling emotional.
Not too angry, cause it wasn’t all bad.
Not romanticizing it, because you broke up for a reason.
You’ll have a clear, healthy perspective. Use the wisdom to grow as a woman and make better choices in the next relationship.
Release the Rest
You may still love (or dislike ;-)) your ex, but remember you chose him. There was something great about them. No matter what happened.
Now it’s time to let the rest go.
It’s a process. It may take months, but you’ll get to a point when the sting isn’t so bad. It turns into a dull ache. Then into a distant (and perhaps fond) memory.
This is one of the harder parts to complete on your own, so you may want to ask for support.
Strengthen Your Foundation
Even the most confident beautiful woman’s foundation takes a hit after her relationship ends.
The mistake most women make is trying to build it on others. Their work. Their family. The next guy they date…etc.
This is why a man-cation is necessary. To take others out of the equation.
In The Magnetic Woman Factor™ program I show you how to build the 3 layers every woman needs in order to have a rock-solid, high value foundation. No matter what comes her way.
The journey to finding YOU and your mojo again starts with exploration.
Who you are now? As a single woman. What do you desire out of life next? What do you like?
This is just the tip of the iceberg, yet a great place to start.
If you found this inspiring and of value, please share it with women you care about by clicking “Like” on Facebook.
With love and in service,
P.S. Want more? Visit my bio for access to your free audio “4 Ways to Show You’re a High Value Woman.” I share A LOT more secrets and practical tips with my international High Value Woman™ tribe. You can join the tribe at my website.