By · @ColleenOrme  ·  · 131 Shares

Let’s be honest. What do most of us do on the quest for love?

Relationship Challenges Causing Relationship ProblemsWe look for this person we have a ‘connection with.’ I know, forgive the bad Bachelor and Bachelorette reference.

And then, once we find them we somehow place all of our power in them. Somehow believing that they will complete us.

But what if that’s the wrong way to approach relationships?

Instead, what if we love without giving our power away?

This is a powerful sentence so it bears repeating. What if we love without giving our power away?

What does this mean? It means that while no one in a relationship should have the power, no individual should be powerless either. It creates an imbalance. It can turn a healthy relationship into an unhealthy relationship.

It means that self-protecting can propel us towards an even better love.

Thus, when you find the person you have the strongest “connection” with never lose that primary “connection” with yourself. Don’t ever lose your inner moxie.

The following are 5 ways to become a relationship badass:

Respect Not Optional

Self-respect and the respect you get from the one you love is never optional. Why then do otherwise self-respecting individuals tolerate less than respectful relationships?

The answer is complicated. Many self-respecting people grew up in homes with disrespectful communication. Thus, they inadvertently end up tolerating behavior until it comes to a tipping point. In addition, often laid-back people will put up with good natured ribbing which is really less about humor and more about making fun of someone.

Do not make the mistake of tolerating disrespectfulness in a relationship.

Do be a relationship BADASS demand respect!

Boundaries R Us

Love does not mean that others take advantage of us. In fact, a person that truly loves another individual should adore them to a point where they would never want to take advantage of them.

Make sure to set personal boundaries in a relationship. Do not let another person ignore what is important to you and do not let them violate boundaries in terms of respect, feelings, empathy, consideration, needs, wants or happiness. A person that really loves you will not repeatedly cross boundaries that are meaningful to you.

Do not make the mistake of tolerating someone who ignores your personal boundaries.

Do be a relationship BADASS and demand tolerance of your individual boundaries.

Communicate Like a Hostage Negotiator

Okay, a bit of humor here but seriously, law enforcement and hostage negotiators have to learn the art of communication. They have to learn how to speak to the most difficult people and situations.

Don’t kid yourselves. Relationships can be that difficult. Do yourself a favor and take a communication class or make an appointment with a great couples counselor that will teach you and your significant other the art of communication.

Do not make the mistake of ignoring how key communication is to a great relationship.

Do be a relationship BADASS and educate yourself and possibly the one you love on proper communication which involves respect, listening, a lack of ego and conflict resolution.

Attract Confidence

It’s a given that one should feel their best and most confident in order to attract the best relationship. However, it’s also important to determine if the person one is attracted to is confident.

Confident individuals can attract themselves to equally confident people or people who do not possess the same level of confidence. It is crucial to attract a confident individual or a relationship will be out of balance. One person will be needier than the other, demand more than the other, not celebrate the other, not support the other, etc. You get the idea.

Do not make the mistake of entering a relationship with an individual who lacks self-esteem.

Do be a relationship BADASS and demand confidence!

Do Not Change the Definition of You

Do not ever stay in a relationship that changes you for anything except the better. Any person worth being with is going to love WHO YOU ARE and not WHO THEY WANT YOU TO BE.

A confident, non-controlling, mature individual will celebrate who you are and take pride in your accomplishments. They will marvel at the little idiosyncrasies that define you and the talent that propels you.

Do not make the mistake of changing yourself for another human being.

Do be a relationship BADASS and stay true to you.

Empowering yourself in a relationship is not about winning or getting your way. Conversely, a relationship should not be about begging to be heard, being ignored or feeling undervalued.

Only you can set the bar for how you expect to be loved.

Be a relationship BADASS!

Demand the best type of love!

Colleen Sheehy Orme

Colleen Sheehy Orme is a Divorce & Relationship expert. She is a national columnist for beliefnet.com a faith based, inspirational website. She writes and speaks on the topics of love, relationships, divorce, and healing. She also consults on these topics and of rebuilding your personal life and personal brand during and after divorce.

Colleen’s national column speaks with her trademark voice. It is filled with the raw vulnerability, emotion, strength, humor and inspiration she lives her life with. Her column tackles the messy side of love while still inspiring love.

She is based out of the Washington, D.C. area where she lives with her three great boys, who seem to tolerate her candid, life musings and their wild, chocolate lab ‘Hazel.’ In addition to being a national columnist, speaker and consultant, she continues to be a freelance journalist and source for various national media outlets. Colleen is also a former business columnist, marketing, PR, and digital strategy consultant.

And most importantly, she still believes in love.

You can find out more about her at www.colleensheehyorme.com and follow her national column | Please follow her Facebook and on LinkedInTwitter

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