Sometimes in relationships when cheating occurs, the person being cheated on expresses surprise and utter shock.
What is really fascinating about this response is, that there are typically signs or flags suggesting a partner’s attention, interest, commitment, and investment may no longer lie with the existing relationship. Typically, when a partner begins to stray, the signs are not very obvious, rather they are subtle, so subtle in fact that those being cheated on will question themselves, their thinking, their behavior, even their vision (did they really see what they thought they saw).
Often, “relationship blindness” is an attempt to avoid facing and acknowledging things that are uncomfortable or upsetting. If cheating started or ended with a sexual encounter, perhaps it would be easier to deal with and easier for a couple to salvage their relationship. However, cheating doesn’t start with or end with a sexual encounter. It begins with emotional infidelity. Sharing personal information that should only be shared with one’s significant other, i.e., private details of his/her life or in some cases disclosing personal details about his/her significant other with someone other than their partner.
Too often, emotional cheating leads to sexual infidelity. Escalation from emotional cheating to sexual infidelity occurs for a number of reasons that include but are not limited to; lack of communication/dysfunctional communication or challenges surrounding appropriate ways to resolve conflict can lead to an environment conducive for seeking support and companionship outside of the relationship. Although, cheating happens for a variety of reasons, when it typically occurs, it usually means there’s something missing in the relationship. From the moment there is intimate, personal disclosure made to someone other than a spouse, the likelihood of becoming sexually involved increases.
Warning Signs Affair Maybe Happening:
- Sudden or otherwise unexpected changes in schedule, i.e., working late often.
- Speaking to a new person not introduced to spouse
- Speaking in a hushed tone, ending a conversation when you enter the room, late night texts.
- Decrease in intimacy, no longer affectionate, emotionally withdrawn.
- Starts an argument or fight for no apparent reason as an excuse to leave.
- Trying new sexual acts or positions never initiated before.
- Showering immediately once they return home.
- Secretive with phone & laptop.
- Frequent password changes
- More attentive to personal appearance.
- No longer answers your phone calls, but will text later.
- Purchasing/wearing sexier underwear
- No longer sexually attracted to you, unable to get in the mood & stay in the mood
- No longer behave as they have in the past, i.e., telling you I love you, etc.
- No longer takes you out.
Signs You May Be Dangerously Close to Having an Affair:
- You share personal thoughts or stories with someone other than your spouse or significant other
- You are physically attracted to the person you are confiding in.
- You feel a greater connection, emotional intimacy, a greater chemistry with the other person than your spouse or significant other.
- You begin to find any excuse to spend more time with the other person, accidentally on purpose bumping into them.
- You start making comparisons between your spouse and the person you are now confiding in.
- You begin to long for and lust after that person rather than your spouse.
- You get excited about the thought of speaking to them again, seeing them.
- You begin to spend more and more time with that person and less time with your spouse.
- You begin to fantasize about a future with him/her rather than your spouse.
- You begin to cross physical boundaries, i.e., hugging, caressing, kissing, etc.