By · @lovelustfantasy  ·  · 172 Shares

Sometimes in relationships when cheating occurs, the person being cheated on expresses surprise and utter shock.

What is really fascinating about this response is, that there are typically signs or flags suggesting a partner’s attention, interest, commitment, and investment may no longer lie with the existing relationship. Typically, when a partner begins to stray, the signs are not very obvious, rather they are subtle, so subtle in fact that those being cheated on will question themselves, their thinking, their behavior, even their vision (did they really see what they thought they saw).

Cheating Topics in Relationship and How to Avoid It From HappeningOften, “relationship blindness” is an attempt to avoid facing and acknowledging things that are uncomfortable or upsetting. If cheating started or ended with a sexual encounter, perhaps it would be easier to deal with and easier for a couple to salvage their relationship. However, cheating doesn’t start with or end with a sexual encounter. It begins with emotional infidelity. Sharing personal information that should only be shared with one’s significant other, i.e., private details of his/her life or in some cases disclosing personal details about his/her significant other with someone other than their partner.

Too often, emotional cheating leads to sexual infidelity. Escalation from emotional cheating to sexual infidelity occurs for a number of reasons that include but are not limited to; lack of communication/dysfunctional communication or challenges surrounding appropriate ways to resolve conflict can lead to an environment conducive for seeking support and companionship outside of the relationship. Although, cheating happens for a variety of reasons, when it typically occurs, it usually means there’s something missing in the relationship. From the moment there is intimate, personal disclosure made to someone other than a spouse, the likelihood of becoming sexually involved increases.

Warning Signs Affair Maybe Happening:

  1. Sudden or otherwise unexpected changes in schedule, i.e., working late often.
  2. Speaking to a new person not introduced to spouse
  3. Speaking in a hushed tone, ending a conversation when you enter the room, late night texts.
  4. Decrease in intimacy, no longer affectionate, emotionally withdrawn.
  5. Starts an argument or fight for no apparent reason as an excuse to leave.
  6. Trying new sexual acts or positions never initiated before.
  7. Showering immediately once they return home.
  8. Secretive with phone & laptop.
  9. Frequent password changes
  10. More attentive to personal appearance.
  11. No longer answers your phone calls, but will text later.
  12. Purchasing/wearing sexier underwear
  13. No longer sexually attracted to you, unable to get in the mood & stay in the mood
  14. No longer behave as they have in the past, i.e., telling you I love you, etc.
  15. No longer takes you out.

Signs You May Be Dangerously Close to Having an Affair:

  1. You share personal thoughts or stories with someone other than your spouse or significant other
  2. You are physically attracted to the person you are confiding in.
  3. You feel a greater connection, emotional intimacy, a greater chemistry with the other person than your spouse or significant other.
  4. You begin to find any excuse to spend more time with the other person, accidentally on purpose bumping into them.
  5. You start making comparisons between your spouse and the person you are now confiding in.
  6. You begin to long for and lust after that person rather than your spouse.
  7. You get excited about the thought of speaking to them again, seeing them.
  8. You begin to spend more and more time with that person and less time with your spouse.
  9. You begin to fantasize about a future with him/her rather than your spouse.
  10. You begin to cross physical boundaries, i.e., hugging, caressing, kissing, etc.

Dr. Tarra Bates-Duford

My name is Dr. Tarra Bates-Duford I am a Forensic Psychologist, a Marriage, Couples, & Family Therapist and a Certified Relationship Expert (APA, #15221). I specialize in familial dysfunctions and relationship issues. I have more than 15 years of experience in behavioral sciences. I provide weekly mental health education and advice as it pertains to relationships for called Relationship Corner. My work includes direct counseling and education as well as consultation and training for both mental health and relationship professionals. I am also CEO and founder of Family Matters Counseling Group LLC, in Orlando Florida, providing individual, couples, and family counseling.

I run a daily relationship and mental health advice blog called Love, Lust, & Fantasies, where adult conversation & debate occurs. You can follow the blog on twitter @lovelustfantasy. For dating advice I can also be found on, &

My Book: Love, Lust, & Fantasies: The Blog Stories Too Racy to Post is now available on Amazon and kindle. The book is based upon real issues and relationship concerns received from follower letters, relationship counseling sessions, and phone calls. The issues tacked in the book deals with love, lust, and fetishes gone wrong.

What Do You Think?

4 Comments | Join the discussion

  • Kehinde k kester Sep 22, 2016 at 9:32 am

    That’s the fact !

  • Abdul Jul 1, 2016 at 12:59 pm

    I never intimately stepped out of my relationship when I was married. I just was not getting the love and affection needed to sustain my interest. She divorced me and married some dude within that year we departed. So I assume she was cheating on me with some cat at work or school.

  • Charla Jun 6, 2016 at 7:52 pm

    The article is very enlightening and informative. So many telltale signs of cheating exists that often unfortunately go ignored. Take notice and pay attention!

  • Trina Jun 3, 2016 at 5:02 pm

    My boyfriend isn’t showing me no effection always works later an later drinking more, he says he’s not cheating but is defensive about… he was caught out with messages to an from his ex a few yrs ago too


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