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It’s no secret you’re dating a commitment phobe and your relationship has had it’s share of ups and downs but lately you are desiring more of a commitment from them and they’ve promised to deliver, but who are they kidding, I hope not you!

What are you doing dating a commitment phobe?

Commitment Phobe in a Relationship? Tips on How to Handle ItEveryone knows you take being in a relationship seriously. So why on earth are you dating someone who’s too afraid to give you their heart?

You have been dating a commitment phobe off and on for a while and although you know what you were getting yourself into somehow you promised yourself that you would not fall in love and take things super slow, now you want to get serious but they are a little cautious and promises to do better.

Why are you putting yourself through this?

Dating a commitment phobe can take you from zero to ten emotionally but you knew that already taken the number of times you’ve broken up with them in the last year.

Are you too invested in this relationship to walk away?

All relationships have their fair share of issues but when it is with a commitment phobe you’ve just about tripled everything. Don’t think for one second you are going to get what you want when dating a commitment phobe, it’s not going to happen. They are a commitment phobe for a reason and it seems you have not figured out why.

Can you have the life and relationship you want with a commitment phobe?

No, because a commitment phobe many times lacks the ability to trust, love and most of all give you their heart.

Can you teach a commitment phobe to love?

Yes, but it does not mean they are looking to love you and it depends on if the commitment phobe in your life is ready to let down their guard, which has been protecting them from hurt. Face it you are not going to take away the fear a commitment phobe has of trusting and loving others when somewhere in their life they did that and got hurt in the process.

Below is a list of tactics a commitment phobe will use to keep you around:

  • If you say so– You will feel as if you have the person of your dreams and they hear and understand everything you say. They are the one for you mainly because they have an, “If you say so,” attitude.
  • Used- You feel as if you have been taken advantage of and nothing they’ve said has been true. You have given your heart and soul in exchange for I O U’s.
  • Confusion– You want so much from this relationship that you find many of the things you’ve said earlier on in the relationship being repeated back to you after you’ve caught them in a lie or two.
  • Love games-When they feel you are about to give up on the relationship they express how they feel inside many times these are accompanied by past fear, hurt and pain which they have no problem expressing to you followed by, I love you.

Know that you may be setting yourself and your emotions up for heartbreak down the road if the commitment phobe in your life fails to follow through with their promises to love you and take the relationship to the next level.

If you really want to stay in a relationship with a commitment phobe you must never allow yourself to fall for promises you know that the commitment phobe will never keep. Acknowledge who and what it is you are dealing with and know that a commitment phobe has nothing but time when it comes to matters of the heart. They can take your heart but they will never give you theirs.

  • Accept the fact that they may never give you their heart. You can’t make someone love you if they are not ready to do so. Build on the areas in the relationship that are comfortable for you and not for the commitment phobe in your life.
  • Understand that when someone is ready to love and trust they will do so and it has nothing to do with you or the things that you say or do. You are dating and loving a commitment phobe so what’s easy for you to do is not so easy for them which is letting someone else in.
  • Control when it comes to dating a commitment phobe you will find most if not all of your issues will be about controlling what they want you to believe. The moment you don’t believe them is the moment where a commitment phobe feels a loss of control and will say or do anything to get you back even if they have to lie.

In the end the only thing a commitment phobe is capable of loving is themselves and that may be up for discussion.

Johanna Sparrow

Johanna Sparrow, has been writing for over 17 years and has published a variety of books from children’s books to self-help books dealing with relationship, personal growth and conflict issues.  She uses her expertise, knowledge and experience on a system she’s created and used over the years dating back as far as 1995 in improving relationship issues, called the (HBCCR) Heart Bruised Conscious Connection Renewal codes which we either have or don’t have inside of us.  Visit her at and, she’s just released her number one seller self-help book, “Bruised Hearts” and has plans to release three more self-help titles this year.

Johanna Sparrow is considered to be the most adorable, straightforward relationship expert and author you will ever meet.  Johanna Sparrow lives by the quote Sometimes your tragedy is your best feature”. by Johanna Sparrow

New self-help book releases coming soon! Hands Off, Overcoming trauma that follows rape. Rcode; Breaking the Silence on Male on Male Rape and the HBCCR series. When visiting Johanna Sparrow’s site you will find a bevy of self-help books covering a variety of topics from love, commitment issues, dating, relationships and bullying.

What Do You Think?

8 Comments | Join the discussion

  • Mya Jun 19, 2015 at 1:18 pm

    I dated and married (briefly) a commitment phobe. I didn’t even know what a commitmentphobe was. He chased me, married me and then started to pull away. Always having an excuse about bad childhood etc and I should not leave. I thought he was mentally unstable. Soon I started to wiseup, the hot & cold signals were exhausting. When he could no longer control me (ie I wasn’t buying his excuses anymore), Mr NARCISSITIC turned up big time. Please find the strength to walk away. These people are damaged and will damage you too. I got lucky.

  • tily Jun 18, 2015 at 4:53 am

    so true! this was an eye opener, thank you!!

  • Jacob Brown Jun 18, 2015 at 4:26 am

    This article is so on point I will have to pass this along to family and friends who have those issues, great articale it is needed!

  • Sandra Bow Jun 18, 2015 at 4:19 am

    Love this article it answers so many questions I’ve had to face.


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