So you’re dating a great guy who seems to be into you. You’re feeling confident, desirable, and optimistic that he just might be “the one”. But then something hits you like a ton of bricks: a picture of, or an offhand reference to, his ex.
Turns out she’s thin; really thin. A size 0, actually. You look down at the body you thought had it going on 10 minutes ago with disdain. You start wondering if you’re enough. He hasn’t seen your body naked with the lights on or in a swim suit.
Is he going to compare you to his ex? Is he going to be disappointed?
It’s amazing that this one small piece of information can throw otherwise rational girls into flurries of self-doubt.
Many start putting these self-defeating actions in motion. They can include:
- Asking what your guy sees in you since you clearly don’t look like his ex.
- Covering your body during intimate moments; making sure lights are off and positions are flattering.
- Saying no to outings that includes swimsuits or any other revealing outfit.
The funny thing is, it’s not how you look that’ll turn off your guy, but how you act. There is no bigger turn off for a guy than an insecure girl. You have to remember that your guy picked YOU! He wasn’t forced into it; a romantic relationship is not a binding contract. There is obviously something about you that he finds desirable.
Let’s list the possibilities:
- He’ll take a curvy figure over a skinny body any day.
- He loves your witty sense of humor and has more fun with you than he ever had with her.
- He admires the confidence you have in yourself, something his ex was always lacking.
- Or just maybe . . . he likes your total package and hasn’t even thought about it.
When you’re feeling down about yourself, start by making a list of all of YOUR wonderful qualities. Write them down and repeat them to yourself whenever you feel self-pity creeping in.
While you’re pulling yourself together, remember not to act insecure around your guy. If you have to, act “as if”. Act as if you are confident and truly feel that your body is rocking. Even if you want to cover up your cellulite, don’t. And never, under any circumstance, start pointing out your flaws. Pretend your body is perfect and just go for it. With time and repetition, you will start to believe what you’re telling yourself.
Girls tend to judge themselves and other girls more harshly than men do. Take heed of this quote by Robert De Niro: “According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.”
Listen to Bobby: while you are picking yourself apart, your guy is just happy to be with you. He sees the overall package and is more attracted to how great he feels when he is with you. Don’t give him a reason to run for the hills.
And, don’t bring up this ex-girlfriend – ever. Keep your focus where it belongs: on yourself, and your amazing new relationship.