Every day I hear women and men say they want deeper connection in their relationship.
When you don’t connect with your partner, heart to heart, it causes a build up of resentment, frustration, dissatisfaction, and at worst, a total breakdown of the love, sex and intimacy you once shared.
Because connection is essential to a mutually satisfying relationship.
“The more connections you and your lover make, not just between your bodies, but between your minds, your hearts, and your souls, the more you will strengthen the fabric of your relationship, and the more real moments you will experience together.” – Barbara DeAngelis
We’re not talking about hours of deeply felt eye gazing here. (Though in my 20+ years of professional research and personal practice I have done that, and it can be an intense way of cultivation connection!)
We’re talking about the power of ordinary moments of connection that open you to the love you are, and the love you share.
These moments of connection remind you of why you got together in the first place.
It doesn’t matter whether you’re talking, doing the dishes together or making love. If you’re unable to experience connection between you, then you’re inevitably left feeling that something’s missing.
Whereas a moment shared in connection melts away all the trivial crap that often gets in the way of love.
It’s easy to feel that connection when you first meet because the love, desire and attraction between you is naturally strong. But love desire, and attraction need to be cultivated over time, if they’re to survive in a long-term relationship.
The same goes for connection.
If you want to deepen connection in your relationship, firstly deepen it with yourself. Know how to relax your body, open your heart and BE with yourself.
That’s all it takes!
Then when you can do that, you can bring your relaxed body, open heart and full presence to your partner.
So if you want to cultivate deeper intimacy with your partner are 3 things you need to explore within yourself:
- What distracts you from being present?
- What prevents you from relaxing your body?
- What do you need to let go of, embrace about yourself or allow, to open your heart?
When you get out of your head and into your body and heart, you’re free to really see, hear and feel your partner.
Otherwise it’s so easy to slip into the routine of an absent peck on the check, or a half-assed ‘I loved you’ on the way out the door.
It’s true, connection is not always comfortable. That’s sometimes why we avoid it. But it’s so worth it!
In the moment of connection, you really get to BE together. You’re fully present to see, feel know your partner, and to feel seen, known and loved yourself. If it were your last minute on the planet with your partner, isn’t that how you’d want to live it?
So from today, look for opportunities to transform ordinary moment into explosions of deep love through connection.
Next time you kiss your partner goodnight, be fully present. Feel what it’s like to taste the sweetness of their lips, to give all of you in the moment, and just notice how they respond.
Next time you say good morning to your partner, relax your body, open your heart and really say good morning in a way that allows them to be seen, felt and known. The deeper you give it, the deeper you’ll both feel it!
Let me know how you go with this, and if you have a special way that you connect with your partner, share it here. We’d love to hear your story, questions and inspiration.