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Every day I hear women and men say they want deeper connection in their relationship.

When you don’t connect with your partner, heart to heart, it causes a build up of resentment, frustration, dissatisfaction, and at worst, a total breakdown of the love, sex and intimacy you once shared.

Why?

Because connection is essential to a mutually satisfying relationship.

“The more connections you and your lover make, not just between your bodies, but between your minds, your hearts, and your souls, the more you will strengthen the fabric of your relationship, and the more real moments you will experience together.” – Barbara DeAngelis

We’re not talking about hours of deeply felt eye gazing here. (Though in my 20+ years of professional research and personal practice I have done that, and it can be an intense way of cultivation connection!)

We’re talking about the power of ordinary moments of connection that open you to the love you are, and the love you share.

These moments of connection remind you of why you got together in the first place.

It doesn’t matter whether you’re talking, doing the dishes together or making love. If you’re unable to experience connection between you, then you’re inevitably left feeling that something’s missing.

Whereas a moment shared in connection melts away all the trivial crap that often gets in the way of love.

It’s easy to feel that connection when you first meet because the love, desire and attraction between you is naturally strong. But love desire, and attraction need to be cultivated over time, if they’re to survive in a long-term relationship.

The same goes for connection.

If you want to deepen connection in your relationship, firstly deepen it with yourself. Know how to relax your body, open your heart and BE with yourself.

That’s all it takes!

Then when you can do that, you can bring your relaxed body, open heart and full presence to your partner.

So if you want to cultivate deeper intimacy with your partner are 3 things you need to explore within yourself:

  1. What distracts you from being present?
  2. What prevents you from relaxing your body?
  3. What do you need to let go of, embrace about yourself or allow, to open your heart?

When you get out of your head and into your body and heart, you’re free to really see, hear and feel your partner.

Otherwise it’s so easy to slip into the routine of an absent peck on the check, or a half-assed ‘I loved you’ on the way out the door.

It’s true, connection is not always comfortable. That’s sometimes why we avoid it. But it’s so worth it!

In the moment of connection, you really get to BE together. You’re fully present to see, feel know your partner, and to feel seen, known and loved yourself. If it were your last minute on the planet with your partner, isn’t that how you’d want to live it?

So from today, look for opportunities to transform ordinary moment into explosions of deep love through connection.

Next time you kiss your partner goodnight, be fully present. Feel what it’s like to taste the sweetness of their lips, to give all of you in the moment, and just notice how they respond.

Next time you say good morning to your partner, relax your body, open your heart and really say good morning in a way that allows them to be seen, felt and known. The deeper you give it, the deeper you’ll both feel it!

Let me know how you go with this, and if you have a special way that you connect with your partner, share it here. We’d love to hear your story, questions and inspiration.

~ Lisa

Lisa Page

If you’re ready to create a deeply inspired and soul satisfying life and relationship, then Lisa page is your woman! She’s been exploring the deeper truths of life, love and intimacy for 20 years, and for the last 12 years as an International Speaker, Women’s Wellness & Relationship Expert, and Founder of ‘Soul Satisfaction for Women’, Lisa has coached women and couples from around the world both personally, and through her workshops and online programs.

To find out more go to SoulSatisfactionForWomen.com, or her Facebook PageItunes Show or Youtube Channel.

What Do You Think?

19 Comments | Join the discussion

  • Rae Jun 21, 2014 at 4:29 am

    Tried talking to my husband about being present. He’s usually in a different room from us, and when he’s not, he has on headphones listening to a book on tape. He’s so distant, and only gets close when he wants sex 🙁 needless to say, that doesn’t happen often. I can’t anymore. People on social media have more of a clue about what I’m doing and who I am than he does 🙁

    Reply
  • Kira May 9, 2014 at 4:57 pm

    A question to ask your spouse:

    Q: Was there anything that made work easier for you today and if yes then can you tell me about it when you have the time?

    Reply
  • reigh Jan 9, 2014 at 4:04 pm

    I know this is an older topic but reading the discussion I felt I needed to share my thoughts. Sometimes people enter a marriage thinking that contract is a reassurance that their partner will never slip, betray or hurt them. Yes, wed all love it if we can spare ourselves the pain but sometimes you have to take a step back and really look at your partner, is this person worth trying for.? Sometimes we let a mistake overshadow all the very important good things they’ve done. Im not saying an affair is acceptable but if one chooses to stay then one must find the will to let it go and work things out sincerely…if you cant then you owe it to yourself to walk away. The choice to stay should be if your partner is willing to try and work on things.

    Reply
  • ray Nov 28, 2013 at 8:03 pm

    To have a conversation with Her is impossible, SHE has this domineering personality trait that’s impossible to deal with, just like Her dad.
    You have to understand a black Scotchman to experience it, they can NEVER be wrong, they Never make any mistakes, they have NO shame, even when they have an affair.
    Try to understand a psychopath !

    Reply
  • ray Nov 26, 2013 at 9:43 am

    Responce to NN and MP :
    3 mo. after i discovered Her 5yr. affair She was pragnant without first resolving Her 5yr affair and discusing what path each of us wanted to pursue, so i felt trapped now with a child on the way, so i stayed to raise two kids.
    Now, 47yrs later She can barely walk, so now i stay to help Her with all the things She can’t do, so you see, i’m trapped again.
    I really did need a Divorce from this person.
    You do not enter Heaven as Husband and Wife.

    Reply
  • MP Nov 25, 2013 at 8:42 am

    Hi Ray,
    I do not know why either of you can’t release that pain, forgive and move on. And I don’t know why you would even WANT to stay in such a life. How miserable and unhealthy that is to your heart and to your health. You’re shortening both your lives by doing that.

    Reply
  • ray Nov 23, 2013 at 7:48 pm

    Yes, Lisa, i stay away from her as much as possible, as in 1/2 hr at dinner, 1hr. of TV, then i’m the rest of the time pretty well, done this for 42yrs. since i discovered her affair, She has her own life now too, church, watching TV.

    Reply
  • ray Nov 22, 2013 at 7:39 pm

    I live in the most horrible marriage you can imagine since her 5yr affair, and that was 47yrs ago, just horrible.
    I wouldn’t get married again in a billion yrs. just Hate marriage and everything about it, just a waste of one’s life, horrible, horrible, horrible………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

    Reply
    • NN   ray Nov 23, 2013 at 12:24 am

      How about divorce?
      Your choice to live in a marriage that doesn’t work, your responsibility to end it.

      Reply
  • Ellen Nov 22, 2013 at 11:22 am

    Its abt letting go everything & just embrace the moment as it comes. Dont compare the past wt the present. Let go all the gabbage, enjoy your man and make the most out of it.

    Reply
  • Crystal Nov 19, 2013 at 11:32 am

    This makes so much sense! One of the biggest things I had to learn was how to stop letting all the other stuff get into my head and blind me from my partner. When you’ve got all this stuff piled in your vision, you lose sight of what really matters. I try to make it a point each day to “push the stuff aside” and just hold my man. I don’t mean a brief hug, I mean wrap my arms around him, whisper that I love him into his ear, kiss him on the cheek and just inhale his scent. You’d be amazed at how healing that is not just for me, but him, too! He says it helps him to not be afraid to reach out to me in moments of stress, when I have a tendency to push people away.

    Reply

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