The couple sat on my therapy couch. He was devastated, she was confused. He was inconsolable and she was defensive. A few days earlier he had followed his suspicious feelings and secretly scrolled though her mobile device.
He found chats. Lots of flirty chats. Even images of her naked body. All sent to men who were strangers to him. He confronted her, accusing her of cheating. She said : “its not that I’m having sex or anything.” After all they had never met and no bodily fluids were exchanged.
Perhaps you are enjoying cyberchatting with an ex on Facebook, or following a stranger’s Instagram account and chatting about their cool pictures… with some flirty emoji’s added. And when the chat becomes slightly more flirty and you both agree to move onto Whatsapp , This is called “dating”, “hooking up”, “attaching.” It’s the modern way of meeting and mating.
If you are married or committed to someone, stop and think about this. Interacting online is easy, affordable and anonymous.
Where do you draw the line between cyberchatting and committing cyber infidelity? Where would your partner draw the line?
Anyone with a device is vulnerable to being seduced into committing cyber infidelity. You don’t mean to cheat. You may even define yourself as a “happily married “ person. It all begins with a reply to a FaceBook post or a response to a tweet or a comment in a newsroom chat forum. Very rapidly chats can become flirty, fun and sexual. In your mind, you’re being playful, feeling happy and excited interacting in real time with a stranger. You begin disclosing to a stranger parts of yourself, emotionally and sexually, in ways that surprise and delight you.
6 SIGNS THAT YOU ARE COMMITTING CYBER INFIDELITY:
- You are in a committed, monogamous & sexually faithful In Real Life relationship
- You keep your online life secret from your partner
- You have passwords that are private so no one other than you can access your devices
- You don’t feel guilty… until your partner accuses you of cheating
- You feel happier, have increased self esteem and feel emotionally and sexually satisfied online
- You steal time from your In Real Life relationship to spend time online.
Here’s the thing. Domesticity is mundane, couples become over familiar with each other, sexuality is predictable. Online seduction is inevitable. Online there are no rules. Especially for women. No reputation to worry about. You can be as sexy, provocative and naked as you wish with little judgment and much appreciation . Conflict is avoided. It’s a no brainer, right? You want to hang out online.
I challenge you. To think about your vulnerability to committing cyber infidelity. And the reason for this challenge is that the pain that is experienced on being caught with cyber infidelity is so terrible that you want to find another way of managing this seduction.
MY VULNERABILITY TO HAVING A CYBER AFFAIR: TICK OFF ALL ITEMS THAT APPLY TO YOU:
- I need space in my relationship
- Revenge for my partner’s online affair
- I know someone who had an affair
- Im talking and thinking about it
- Ive been married for a long time
- We have an open marriage
- I struggle with In Real Life , face-to-face conflict with my partner
- Something is missing in my relationship
- I want to avoid intimacy in my relationship
- I lack sexual satisfaction
- I cant discuss problems safely with my partner
- We have ongoing unresolved problems
- I feel lonely in my relationship
- My relationship is in a rut
Cyber Infidelity is not the solution to these relationship concerns.
Next article I will look at how to manage your vulnerabilities and seduction online so that it does not bring harm to yourself or your In Real Life relationship.
I invite you to follow me on social media to learn more about Cyber Infidelity and Contemporary Intimacies.