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The couple sat on my therapy couch. He was devastated, she was confused. He was inconsolable and she was defensive. A few days earlier he had followed his suspicious feelings and secretly scrolled though her mobile device.

He found chats. Lots of  flirty chats. Even images of her naked body. All sent to men who were strangers to him. He confronted her, accusing her of cheating. She said : “its not that I’m having sex or anything.” After all they had never met and no bodily fluids were exchanged.

Cyber Infidelity and How to Deal With It…Are you being seduced online?

Perhaps you are enjoying cyberchatting with an ex on Facebook, or following a stranger’s Instagram account and chatting about their cool pictures… with some flirty emoji’s added. And when the chat becomes slightly more flirty and you both agree to move onto Whatsapp , This is called dating”, “hooking up”, “attaching.” It’s the modern way of meeting and mating.

If you are married or committed to someone, stop and think about this. Interacting online is easy, affordable and anonymous.

Where do you draw the line between cyberchatting and committing cyber infidelity? Where would your partner draw the line?

Anyone with a device is vulnerable to being seduced into committing cyber infidelityYou don’t mean to cheat. You may even define yourself as a “happily married “ person. It all begins with a reply to a FaceBook post or a response to a tweet or a comment in a newsroom chat forum. Very rapidly chats can become flirty, fun and sexual. In your mind, you’re being playful, feeling happy and excited interacting in real time with a stranger. You begin disclosing to a stranger  parts of yourself, emotionally and sexually,  in ways that  surprise and delight you.


  • You are in a committed, monogamous & sexually faithful In Real Life relationship
  • You keep your online life secret from your partner
  • You have passwords that are private so no one other than you can access your devices
  • You don’t feel guilty… until your partner accuses you of cheating
  • You feel happier, have increased self esteem and feel emotionally and sexually satisfied online
  • You steal time from your In Real Life relationship to spend time online.

Here’s the thing. Domesticity is mundane, couples become over familiar with each other, sexuality is predictable. Online seduction is inevitable. Online there are no rules. Especially for women. No reputation to worry about. You can be as sexy, provocative and naked as you wish with little judgment and much appreciation . Conflict is avoided. It’s a no brainer, right? You want to hang out online.

I challenge you. To think about your vulnerability to committing cyber infidelity. And the reason for this challenge is that the pain that is experienced on being caught with cyber infidelity is so terrible that you want to find another way of managing this seduction.


  • I need space in my relationship
  • Revenge for my partner’s online affair
  • I know someone who had an affair
  • Im talking and thinking about it
  • Ive been married for a long time
  • We have an open marriage
  • I struggle with In Real Life , face-to-face conflict with my partner
  • Something is missing in my relationship
  • I want to avoid intimacy in my relationship
  • I lack sexual satisfaction
  • I cant discuss problems safely with my partner
  • We have ongoing unresolved problems
  • I feel lonely in my relationship
  • My relationship is in a rut

Cyber Infidelity is not the solution to these relationship concerns.

Next article I will look at how to manage your vulnerabilities and  seduction online so that it does not bring harm to yourself or your In Real Life relationship.

I invite you to follow me on social media to learn more about Cyber Infidelity and Contemporary Intimacies.

Dr. Marlene Wasserman

Marlene is an Internationally trained  Couple and Sex Therapist and Clinical Sexologist in Private Practice, specializing in Cyber Infidelity and Contemporary Intimacies. She is a Sexuality Educator,  and an academic who teaches at Medical  School,  presents academic papers internationally , and  trains health care providers in Sexual Health and Rights. As a high profile media celebrity,  she appears weekly on her own TV and radio shows.

Marlene is an international person, working and consulting globally. She does professional skype consultations all over the world. Also, buy Marlene’s book “Cyber Infidelity: The New Seduction” now!

Contact and interact with Marlene right here:

TEL: +2721 4394004
SKYPE: dreve_sa1

What Do You Think?

2 Comments | Join the discussion

  • Mary Dec 16, 2015 at 5:00 am

    Great article Marlene, thank-you. My partner is very secretive ( no problem, we all need our privacy) and didn’t accept my friend request on Facebook until I mentioned it months later. Turned out he’d reaquainted with his prior GF there, which lead to the same in real life. Whilst he swears they were just friends (as you say “no bodily fluids were exchanged), I was hurt bacause…
    1. He’d obviously been thinking about her while he was with me.
    2. I was the last to know. All his firends and family members knew based on their frequent exhange of likes, comments and emojis. I looked like a fool and felt totally dis-respected.
    3. He was clearly hiding it from me. If there was no wrong doing then why not tell me rather than deceive me. Made me question everything said over the time we were together.

    The simplest question to ask yourself is: Would I tell my partner about this? and What would happen if they found out?
    If, like my scenario, the answer is the relationship ended because trust was broken (and both partners heart broken too), then you must seriously consider the risk. And daen it, you’ve got someone right in front of you who already loves you, try a little flirting with them!!!

    • Marlene Wasserman   Mary Dec 24, 2015 at 3:37 am

      Thanks for comment Mary. There is a difference between “privacy” and “secrecy”. Secrets hurt whilst privacy, as you acknowledge, is a right we all have . I think a lot of this pain and confusion happens as we have a socialised belief that we must only love, think about and feel sexual toward our one and only partner. This is not true. Imagine a scenario in which there was acceptance of ongoing feelings we all have toward other people, but have no need to act on them.. but we can be open about them to each other. This does away with the secrecy and the break up you seem to have endured with pain . Buy my book and learn more about my work :


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