“The chief lesson I have learned in a long life is that the only way you can make a man trustworthy is to trust him; and the surest way to make him untrustworthy is to distrust him” – Henry L. Stimson
The above quote depicts the all-to-common self-fulfilling prophecy effect. If you are constantly labeled as something which you not, reaping no reward from it, and feel helpless to escape the label, you will likely drift towards the preconceived direction since you may as well gain some reward from the unjust penalties.
Sadly, this can cause turmoil in both romantic as well as interpersonal relationships, emotionally injuring the victim and victimizing the accuser. If you push preconceived notions onto someone you love, you are not pushing the reset button on their growth and maturity; accept that people can change and many doors will open.
Trust is sometimes a very difficult aspect for people, let alone, couples, to utilize in their everyday relationships either due to past experiences (family, school, difficult breakups) or learned experiences. Trust is an essential key component to keeping a relationship alive, and likely everyone knows it, but putting it into practice sometimes seems unrealistic.
By understanding how toxic a lack of trust can be and how you can start to embrace it, you can start to integrate the fulfillment of trust into your everyday love life for a more fulfilling relationship.
The Effects of Distrust:
A lack of trust can often feel justified, but the effects your body will face as a result is never justified. Harming yourself is never justifiable, and distrust can lead to just that.
Physical ailments of distrust can include a high level of anxiety for both you and your partner, obsessions and ritualistic tendencies (spending hours tracking them on Facebook or in your car), jealousy, and even paranoia.
As such, you may isolate yourself due to triggers that bring about such responses including seeing prettier girls or hotter guys around your partner. Isolation can later increase your nervous tendencies furthering an out-of-control and downward spiral.
During this cycle, you may beat yourself down because you know you are acting irrational, or you don’t know if you are justified or not. In short, being so afraid of the possibility of rejection or emotional harm from your lover causes you to harm yourself. Such alienation gets in the way of giving up control, which is usually just a conditional mean to an end for getting what you want, not what you need.
Overall, distrust does not only harm your relationship and push the tolerance of your lover, it hurts you on a physical and emotional level.
Remember that saying ‘we are our own worst enemies’…well, this is proof.
The Pro’s of No Trust in a Relationship: This was a hoax, there are no actual positives associated with a lack of trust in a relationship. Healthy skepticism is important to have, but without trust, you have no relationship.
How to Learn to Trust:
Trusting someone after you have been hurt is up to you and you alone. If someone has broken your trust, that may be their own issue, or a symptom behind you not trusting them. They may go behind your back out of fear of hurting your feelings, creating more distrust.
If this happens, be open with yourself and see if you can truly and honestly trust them again. Take as much time as you need to heal, and allow the other person to do the same if you hurt them.
Trust involves you dropping the past and looking towards the future constructively, perhaps not forgetting what happened, but avoiding the conflict over it. Throwing it back in their face can build resentment, causing you both to stagnate instead of heal. If this is too large a task, perhaps it’s only fair to let them to go and find happiness with someone who can trust them, and you as well, with someone you can trust.
Trust is a liberating and warm feeling that should be safeguarded in a relationship since it is the glue and foundation that holds it together.
Without a foundation, building can’t begin.