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Some people believe in ‘love at first sight’ and claim to have experienced this blissful union with someone. Most of the time though, people fall in love over time.

Fall In Love? How Long Should It Take You?That period of time is shorter for some than for others and it can vary between your relationships. For some, it’s a long, slow marathon and for others it’s a more of a sprint. Whatever your love style… slow or fast… it feels good to fall in love – provided it’s reciprocated by your love interest, of course!

The workings of the unconscious mind are at play quite often when people fall in love. From childhood we all carry forward into adulthood the unconscious image of the one we’ll love. This image is largely built upon what has been referred to as the “unfinished business” of our relationship with our opposite or same sex parent. Falling in love quickly, or love at first sight may very well be your unconscious mind letting you know the person you’ve fallen for meets the “image” of that parent in certain ways!

Many people go for the rule of developing a good, solid friendship first. I recommend taking your time to fall in love and not rushing into it. Going slower gives you an opportunity to keep some perspective at a bit of a distance, while you’re getting to know the one you find so attractive. A good perspective usually leads to good choices and decisions!

How can you slow down falling in love?

Here are some ways to slow down falling in love, so you can make good decisions about your new relationship. These are ways to allow your head to inform your heart, but not rule over it. It’s all about balance!

  1. As you begin dating one another, keep a pace of togetherness that allows a bit of space between the two of you, rather than being joined at the hip. As Rumi said, “Remember to allow the winds of heaven to dance between you.”
  2. In between your times together take time alone to process what happened during your last time together. Here are some things to notice: Did you feel relaxed in your body? Were you anxious? Did you feel you could be yourself with him or her? Did the conversation flow well? Did you enjoy yourself?
  3. Get to know your love interest’s patterns and preferences for food, exercise, hobbies and recreation, conversation, introversion or extroversion, the inclusion of family and friends or the lack thereof, openness, honesty and truthfulness. Do they fit well with yours? Is there a feeling of comfort that comes from being a good match, or do you feel either of you are trying to force it to happen?
  4. Do you feel a sense of peace, loyalty and trust with your new love interest? Do you feel it from him or her?
  5. Does your new love interest express empathy, kindness and generosity towards you and others? Is he or she stingy, greedy or cheap? How do you see him or her treating others and you?
  6. Does he or she keep agreements with you and others and follow through on them with integrity?
  7. Remember, take it slowly in the sexual intimacy department. Get to know this person over time and keep the sexual intimacy on the back burner until you know it’s safe and a good decision to move into a deeper relationship.

The quality of your life depends on your choices and decisions.

Take the time you really need to make good ones, particularly in your love life because this area of your life has an enormous impact on all other areas of your life!

Avelon B. McNae, MHR, CHT, HTP

Avelon B. McNae is a marriage counselor, psychotherapist, hypnotherapist and relationship coach with 28 years of experience in her professional field. She has local offices in Durango, Colorado and Pagosa Springs, Colorado.

She also provides relationship coaching all over the United States via online video sessions and phone sessions. Avelon also writes for the American Dating Society and can be reached at

What Do You Think?

1 Comment | Join the discussion

  • RENE May 9, 2017 at 5:18 pm

    Very good and valuable information….. Could use how to control the emotions while this is occuring. Thats the key here.


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