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Most of you have seen or maybe heard about the TV series Boston Legal. It’s been a few years since it last ran, circa 2008, however a couple of the episodes have touched a matter that has become almost an epidemic by now.

Fantasies Versus Reality in RelationshipsAnd that matter is objectofilia, more specifically, having feelings towards an object. In Boston Legal, you’ve guessed it, that object turned out to be an iPhone.

Have I said something new here?

Possibly not. Because the one thing we cannot ignore is the hold our iPhones or smartphones have on every aspect of our lives. I for one relinquished owning one, for the exact same reason. I still own an iPad, but at least I can often leave it behind and not carry it around as if attached to my hip. Why? Because I would probably never lift my eyes from its screen.

The Magic Butler

What does this have to do with fantasies and the reality of relationships?

A lot. Smartphones have us eternally connected to the online world, the virtual world where a great majority of our wishes and desires are fulfilled at a tap of an app. Do we wish to book a table at a fancy restaurant, to find our way via Google maps or have a taxi pick us up in a matter of minutes? Our wish is their command.

However all these options and possibilities create an illusion of a perfect world, of an unlimited source of services that enchant and spoil us and last but not least raise our expectations to an unreal level. We cherish our smartphones, we feel lost without them. How can a mere human compare to all this resourcefulness?

The Virtual Partner

In the past decade online dating has gone from an embarrassing way to meet potential partners to one of the main channels through which people meet their future husbands or wives. It has done wonders not only for people living in isolated areas, with very little possibility of meeting someone, but for your typical big city inhabitant as well, proving that sometimes living a few streets apart could mean never to cross paths if it weren’t for the site that you both signed up to. However, with the many advantages come the disadvantages. I congratulate the award winning blogger Katy Horwood, from “All Sweetness and Life” for coining the term “armchair dater.”

For many, online dating has become the realm where they can flirt and carry on with a virtual relationship, unchallenged. There are many virtual partnerships that are forming this way between people who had never met and these have nothing to do with reality. Unfortunately the online world is a breeding ground for attention seekers, scammers, virtual affairs and for a much worse kind I rather not mention here. But the bottom line is, no real relationship can measure up with the fantasy of a long distance online affair. None. Fact.

Are many of us, often disappointed, and time and again heartbroken in danger of favoring the online variety?

You bet, we are. At what cost? At the cost of loosing touch with our own humanity, at having such low tolerance to human fault that it can render our average Joe or Jane obsolete as far as relationships are concerned. What could be next? Robots as spouses? We’re closer than you think.

The Superhero Trend

What’s going on with the film industry nowadays?

Of course film stars had been our idols since the beginning of time. They represented the unattainable beauty, sexiness and glamor we all aspired to. But nowadays every second or third film released is one about superheros. Whether supernatural or just with enhanced abilities, these heros are again guilty of raising our expectations towards our real, human partners. We secretly want them to look, behave and achieve all that their movie counterparts do. It is not even conscious. Reality stars are just adding to the pressure. Celebrity culture on the rise doesn’t help, either.

Can any of us ever feel good enough against such highly set bar?

Well, yes, but it requires deep self knowledge and self awareness. That’s the only way. We should never compare ourselves to others, only to an earlier version of ourselves. And we should keep our faith in humanity and be more tolerant and understanding with each other. After all we can only be ourselves. Everyone else is taken, goes the saying. Knowing ourselves breeds confidence and confidence is attractive. Either that, or the robot era is coming.

Laura Gub

Laura Gub is an ex model, hobby photographer, dating and relationship blogger. and are dedicated to help bring out the best in you, for a better, richer and more exciting dating life.

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