Has fear been getting in your way? Have you been hiding in the closet when he calls? Avoiding being yourself because she may not approve? Making up stories about how he will react when you tell him? Think you are keeping yourself safe?
Fear is predominant in our culture and it has gotten way out of balance (with love, that is.) We only need to open up a newspaper, turn on the television, even listen to people talking on the street or in the grocery store. What do you hear? Fear.
Then there is what is going on internally. From a spiritual perspective, as we mature, grow and begin to wake up to the truth, the ego gets stronger. And ego is the voice of fear, or separation. Quite the counterpart to its opposite — love, or union.
Fear, whether it is mostly a voice inside your head cautioning you at every turn, or it is all you hear around you, it is paralyzing and it stops us from loving completely and vulnerably. Fearless vulnerability is a psycho-spiritual practice that when you learn what it means and how to master it, your relationships will improve tremendously.
You will feel happier, more peaceful, and more turned on. You will automatically feel an open heartedness to the world that wasn’t there before. You will feel a plentitude of love in your life (single or partnered) and you will, no doubt, feel more connected to yourself and those you love.
So how do you begin to master Fearless Vulnerability?
1. Breathe first – breath feeds courage.
2. Understand that fear is only one part of a complex human being that is you.
3. Begin a journal to keep track of when you notice that fear is present. Without judgment, as if you were a researcher of your inner world, make notes.
4. Practice sharing the little “f” fears in situations, or with people, where the outcome is less essential.
5. Sit face-to-face with your partner (or friend) and practice sharing one thing that you haven’t shared with anyone. Simply listen to each other without response.
6. Breathe together and allow whatever body sensations you are noticing be there. They are only energy and will shift as you breathe.
7. Draw an image of your fear and surround it with an image of love.
8. Meditate on love overcoming the fear in every single cell of your body. Do it, it works.
9. Commit to being fearless in relationship. You know the saying, “What other people think of me is none of my business?” Practice that. Share what is authentically true for you and let others have their own feelings in response.
10. Decide to be brave so that you are known.
Our deepest desire is to be known. When we have the experience of allowing someone in to our inner world in a deep and vulnerable way, there is nothing but deep and vulnerable love on the other side. This allowing and receiving of love is what we are here for.
Can you imagine going through your entire life without letting the people you care about the most, know you the best? Fearless Relating is a necessary spiritual practice which supports us in loving ourselves more deeply and has the delightful side effect of being loved more deeply, too.