Everything in my life would be perfect if I just had an 8th day of the week.
I could sleep in, finish those little odds jobs that never seem to get done, take a few moments to really pamper myself and of course spend some quality time with my beloved…
Life seems to be crazy-pants-hectic-busy pretty much all the time and doesn’t seem to be slowing down anytime soon. We’re ‘on’ all the time, living life to the full by filling it up and ‘not wasting’ a minute.
But what is the cost to our relationships?
Almost everyday in my therapy room, I see a couple sitting in front of me confused about why after 10 years of marriage, they feel like they don’t know each other anymore.
They’ve been ships sailing past each other in the night. Absent minded pecks on the cheek as they rush out the door in the mornings, interrupted conversation as they have dinner and get the kids ready for bed, a coupe of hours together focused on the TV screen in front of them before they go to bed.
They’ve forgotten their connection. They’ve lost the romance and passion (and the sex too!)
I know that regular romantic weekends away aren’t going to be possible for everyone, I know that for some people with children even having a night to yourselves can seem like an unattainable luxury.
But there are a few simple things you can do to rebuild your connection that won’t break the bank or require an 8th day of the week.
- Spend a few minutes each day just ‘being’ together. Hold your bodies close and just breathe. This isn’t hippie woo-woo. This will bring your nervous systems and your energy into sync with each other. It will also calm your nervous systems helping you feel relaxed and cope with stress better throughout the day.
- We have technology – use it. Text each other something sweet. Reminding your partner to bring home milk doesn’t count. Tell them something you appreciate about them, remind them you still love the way they look or let them know about the little surprise you have for them that evening…
- Plan ‘Date Night’ once a week. Even if you can’t get a sitter and get out of the house, make it a special night for the two of you after the kids are in bed. Turn off the TV early and do something nice like swap a massage, have a bubble bath, share a bottle of wine or ‘go to bed early’ (you know what I mean!).
- Which brings me to… Put sex on your schedule. Talk about when it works best for each of you – at night, in the morning – and take time to make sure it happens.
- Set aside time each month to talk about how your relationship is going and iron out any challenges. In our day to day lives we can feel like we don’t have time for this, but little things build up, so get them out of the way.
- Celebrate special occasions. Plan ahead and take time out for the times that are most important for you. Remember to laugh and enjoy each other.
It’s the little moments in life that remind us how truly special life is. A moment of real connection with another human being is absolutely precious – especially when that person is our beloved.