“If everyone is thinking alike, then somebody isn’t thinking” – G. S. Patton
The give-and-take of a relationship, especially in the initial stages, can be oh so confusing. Sometimes, one partner’s needs can get pushed aside to accommodate the other until they eventually lose touch with their personal identity.
Such sacrifices, which are much different than compromise, can create the oh-so dreaded ‘we need space’ scenario. Once that happens, it may be hard for the partner who gave up their needs to realize where they stand because they may lose an identity they relied on.
A couple’s identity is intriguing, exciting, and can be very rewarding to build up, but it has to come from both people contributing their unique needs, quirks, and abilities to the relationship.
There is a simple solution to engaging in a balanced relationship: space + self-identity = solid foundation.
THE FEAR OF BEING A SELFISH PIECE OF WORK: Mothers, care-givers, and even reliable friends likely go through cycles of guilt if they take time for themselves because they see it as selfish. Selfless actions often get disregarded and pushed aside as a responsibility rather than a monumental trait that not everyone possesses.
“You” time time can enrich your own identity, solidify your hobbies, and keep your partner interested. Missing one another is a good thing – you desire one another’s company more!
SHARING TOO MUCH TOO SOON: Relationships happen, and they can happen fast. The first date can lead to butterflies, a month later, dependence, and a year later, sheer boredom. It is not always the norm, but sometimes such events can become a reality if too much is revealed early on in the relationship.
If you know the ending to a film before you see it, you are less likely to want to see it, and the same with books. Such information ruins the mystery as well as the learning process while engaging in the movie or a book; you have a preconceived notion for everything you see and read the whole time you engage thereafter.
Relationships run the same way. A certain level of mystery is needed to keep interest strong between two partners, but it does not involve maliciously holding back information, keeping your partner in the dark, or simply shutting off. It can be something as simple as staring your lover in the eyes and letting your love speak for itself without saying a word.
Impulse, such as blurting out the first thing that comes to your mind, can reveal too much and lead to a wall effect; your words are blocking actions. Unspoken love is a very powerful tool to protect relationships and should be practiced, as well as intimacy. When someone loves you, you can see it, so accept it and let them love you back.
OUTSIDE HOBBIES AND ADVENTURES: Without hobbies, interests, and friends, how are we to learn about the world around us? We can’t. Focusing on your relationship and a relationship alone is not only a burden to you and your partner, it can also lead to unhealthy obsessions and isolation, creating regular tension and anxiety. When you both have different ways of perceiving the world, multiple stories to tell and laugh about, and troubling moments in your life to work through together, it brings something special to the relationship; conversation.
Conversation is an essential way to understand your partner’s point of view, and a tension free conversation is the best way to gain their trust. Trust allows you to develop an understanding of their private world and work through their imperfections, as well as your own.
Although space and self-development is essential, making your relationship interesting and engaging both emotionally and mentally is very important. As with everything, balance is key, so go out, have fun with your friends, spend some time enriching your business model, then snuggle up with your hubby! A diverse day keeps you out of trouble and keeps life interesting!
THE SKINNY ON TEAM WORK: A relationship is an intimate team experience. You are both players in the game of love, so bring forth your best traits, learn from one another, and you two may just be unstoppable!