A lot of the troubled relationships I hear about have several common issues. One of the biggest ones I see is this sort of push-pull dynamic that happens when two people are at cross purposes and want different things.
It’s actually OK to have separate goals, desires, and wishes in life as long as you, as a couple, are able to support each other along this path toward “having it all”…together.
In all of my learning and observing as a “student of love,” I believe I discovered what attracted my husband to me, perhaps most of all. It’s a simple word and yet so powerful in its ability to not only create, but to multiply attraction.
This word I’m referring to is “yes.”
Yes is more than just a word. It’s an attitude. It’s a feeling. And for me, it’s a way of being – a way of life in my marriage. It means, “I agree, I accept, I allow.”
As I explored the question of how to have and nurture the intimacy that I craved, I found myself returning to the concept that my ideal partner would be supportive in all the things I wanted. If ever I asked, his answer would be “yes.” He wouldn’t withhold any part of my heart’s desires; rather, he would assist me in having them all.
That’s when I began to notice the reciprocal effect of “yes” upon intimacy. The more often we say “yes” to each other, the more satisfied in life we each feel as a result.
The Power of Yes
It was less than a year ago. My dad was in town visiting for the weekend. He had recently gone through a transition and had decided to re-ignite his passion for aviation. He was in the market for a used plane and was showing us pictures of the one he planned to make an offer on.
My husband’s latent boyhood love of airplanes was instantly sparked. The next morning the three of us were off to a nearby airfield to have breakfast and show dad where he could land when he flies to visit.
On the way to the airfield, I learned that this café where we were going was a long-time favorite place of his to go, just to sit and watch the planes go by. It suddenly dawned on me the significance of the model airplanes and WWII books he’d held onto that now decorated his son’s room. It didn’t take me long to get the full picture of my husband’s longing.
As we got out of the car and walked toward the café, I noticed Paul grinning from ear to ear. I smiled and said, “we’re getting an airplane aren’t we?” His eyes got so big! “ARE WE???”
“Yes” I smiled.
Nine months later Paul had not only earned his private pilot license, he had also accomplished his instrument pilot rating – a feat typically unheard of within such a short timeframe by any pilot who isn’t motivated by military or career aspirations.
Accomplishing this lifelong dream of his was something he never expected or imagined he’d do…and the moment I said “yes” he just went for it. It was a pivotal moment that has forever strengthened our bond.
The Yes That Attracts
Saying “yes” is not about sacrificing what you want just so he can have what he wants. It’s not about “giving in” for the sake of making him happy. This is why it’s so important to align yourself with men who share your values.
TIP: Don’t say “yes” when you really mean “no.” Saying “yes” when the heart really feels “no” goes against your inner self and manifests as “no” eventually. An unspoken “no” will show up later as resentment.
A “yes” that comes from the heart is the most attractive “yes” there is.
Copyright @ 2015 Carrie Stanfield Coaching – All rights reserved. Used by permission only.