Has your relationship been stormy these days? Do you wish you could tell your partner what you are feeling more easily? Are you looking for a way to have a productive conversation without playing the blame and shame game?
Do your arguments last into the wee hours of the night leaving you exhausted the next day?
Summer is over and most of you are back in the doldrums of day in and day out routines. Kids, work, house chores, carpooling, 6 am alarm clocks ringing, an empty fridge at dinner time….it doesn’t tend to add up to ease and flow when it comes to intimacy and connection.
In fact, most couples get lost in the chaos and let years go by until they barely recognize each other anymore. When they finally reach out for support, they are feeling lonely, are not having sex often (if at all), they cannot find the love between them never mind desire for each other. Some times there has already been an affair, or a fostering of deep emotional connection outside of the relationship that is negatively impacting their relationship.
Enter Tantra Practice.
When you have something important to share with your sweetie; when you are ready to talk about the stuff that’s bothering you; when you’re ready for calm connection, these 4 simple steps are exactly what you need to come back to love:
- Choose the right time for you to have a conversation (consider your time and your energy level)
- Ask your partner if s/he is willing to talk at that time
- Be willing to hear “no” and ask for a better time
- Schedule the conversation and agree to an ending time
Getting your partner to listen when s/he is not truly available can feel very frustrating — which only adds to an already charged situation. That is why it is so important to make sure both of you are in agreement about sitting down to talk; along with the amount of time you will spend together.
If your experience is anything like mine used to be, your life is busy and it is hard to fit time in for anything extra. It can feel easier to avoid difficult conversations than vulnerably share your truth. You may feel frustrated because most of the time you feel blamed and not heard.
Several years ago, I learned there was a different way. Instead of harboring resentments, shying away from conflict, or brushing my feelings off as unimportant, I began to practice speaking my truth out loud. But what I found is having a structure and guidelines provides the safety needed to be vulnerable.
You and your partner are going to love how easy these four steps are for you and how easily they will bring you back to a place of loving connection.
Sit together facing each other. Close your eyes and take some deep breaths down into your belly together. Synchronize your breath for a few minutes. Feel silly? Keep going…trust the process, it works! When you feel connected via your breath, open your eyes and look deeply at each other.
Make an Agreement:
One person will share at a time and the listener will reflect back what s/he heard…bit by bit. Slowly….switching speakers as needed.
I recommend you limit your conversation to 1 hour maximum practicing the 4 steps to come back to love and adding the Tantra tip above to bring deeper, more open and loving connection again.
Time to end the storm that your relationship is in and break the patterns of mundane life together.