By · @comeback2love  ·  · Shares

Love Tips in Relationship Conflict and Communication IssuesHas your relationship been stormy these days? Do you wish you could tell your partner what you are feeling more easily? Are you looking for a way to have a productive conversation without playing the blame and shame game?

Do your arguments last into the wee hours of the night leaving you exhausted the next day?

Summer is over and most of you are back in the doldrums of day in and day out routines. Kids, work, house chores, carpooling, 6 am alarm clocks ringing, an empty fridge at dinner time….it doesn’t tend to add up to ease and flow when it comes to intimacy and connection.

In fact, most couples get lost in the chaos and let years go by until they barely recognize each other anymore. When they finally reach out for support, they are feeling lonely, are not having sex often (if at all), they cannot find the love between them never mind desire for each other.  Some times there has already been an affair, or a fostering of deep emotional connection outside of the relationship that is negatively impacting their relationship.

Enter Tantra Practice.

When you have something important to share with your sweetie; when you are ready to talk about the stuff that’s bothering you; when you’re ready for calm connection, these 4 simple steps are exactly what you need to come back to love:

  1. Choose the right time for you to have a conversation (consider your time and your energy level)
  2. Ask your partner if s/he is willing to talk at that time
  3. Be willing to hear “no” and ask for a better time
  4. Schedule the conversation and agree to an ending time

Getting your partner to listen when s/he is not truly available can feel very frustrating — which only adds to an already charged situation. That is why it is so important to make sure both of you are in agreement about sitting down to talk; along with the amount of time you will spend together.

If your experience is anything like mine used to be, your life is busy and it is hard to fit time in for anything extra. It can feel easier to avoid difficult conversations than vulnerably share your truth.  You may feel frustrated because most of the time you feel blamed and not heard.

Several years ago, I learned there was a different way.  Instead of harboring resentments, shying away from conflict, or brushing my feelings off as unimportant, I began to practice speaking my truth out loud. But what I found is having a structure and guidelines provides the safety needed to be vulnerable.

You and your partner are going to love how easy these four steps are for you and how easily they will bring you back to a place of loving connection.

Tantra Tip:

Sit together facing each other. Close your eyes and take some deep breaths down into your belly together. Synchronize your breath for a few minutes. Feel silly? Keep going…trust the process, it works! When you feel connected via your breath, open your eyes and look deeply at each other.

Make an Agreement:

One person will share at a time and the listener will reflect back what s/he heard…bit by bit.  Slowly….switching speakers as needed.

I recommend you limit your conversation to 1 hour maximum practicing the 4 steps to come back to love and adding the Tantra tip above to bring deeper, more open and loving connection again.

Time to end the storm that your relationship is in and break the patterns of mundane life together.

Robyn Vogel

Robyn Vogel is a Come Back To Love Coach™, Certified Sex Educator, psychotherapist, mother, entrepreneur, and all around love-adventurer!

Ignite Your Heart Transform Your Relationship: 9 experts on Tantra/ Relationships offer strategies for creating more love, sex and intimacy. Go to for more info!

What Do You Think?

3 Comments | Join the discussion

  • Hydroguy Jan 13, 2016 at 2:24 pm

    Great read. My wife tried for a long time to get me to listen and work hard to try
    And make our marriage work. For a long time I looked at a lot of the negative rather than
    the good times we had. I sure hope it isn’t too late for us to work our marriage out. She has agreed to take counseling, I hope your steps will add to our recovery. Here’s to hoping!!

  • maybe back Nov 23, 2015 at 6:00 am

    When i want to talk to my partner he flips the story? And by the time we have finished, I’ve become the bad guy. His M.O. is so manipulative I can start a conversation with one intention and my words will be twisted until I end up in tears.He has this narcissist/victim thing that he does, so any argument he has whether it’s with me, his daughter, his mother, brother, or whoever he doesn’t want to come to an understanding, he wants for insert person to say that they are sorry for making him mad, and that he is right. When he says, I’m agitated, or I’m not happy with this situation, it usually means that he is hitting up women on the internet.

    • Robyn Vogel   maybe back Nov 24, 2015 at 6:22 am

      Hi Maybe Back,

      That sounds like a really challenging situation. What I hear is a part of your partner that wants to be heard, that has a need to be heard but instead of taking the time to hear others, he gets triggered instead. And I hear YOU have a need to be heard (and also perhaps for a peaceful conversation.) Have you sought out any help via articles like mine, books, counseling? You may find other resources on my website, too. Warmly, Robyn


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