There comes a time in our lives when we are finally ready. We realize we must take a deep, hard look at ourselves to discover why we are repeating relationships that don’t work out.
The tough news to hear, understand and accept is that WE are the common denominator in each relationship, each heartbreak and every part of our own personal love story journey. You and I are alike and bonded in this way.
Sound familiar: You get out of a relationship thinking, “I can’t believe I’m going through this again. I really thought this was THE ONE. No matter what I do, it seems like I’m in the same pain over and over again. What’s wrong with me?”
If this resonates with you in any way, I want to assure you, you are not alone! Just look at the scary marriage statistics we all know about: half of today’s marriages end up in divorce court, and only 1/3 of second marriages find success in their relationship. It is a daunting thought, “Will I ever find “the one?” I know this story all too well in my own love story. At middle age, I had to turn over every stone to discover what was keeping me from that ideal relationship, then recovered the best version of myself in the process.
See everyone: it’s an inside job! In no other area of your life will your negative emotional habits and patterns reveal themselves than in the confines of an intimate relationship. It’s easy to show up as a parent, coworker, neighbor, relative or friend, and hide the wounds that we have buried deep within our psyche’s and in our hearts. But, when we are in an intimate relationship, our triggers, deep fears and anxieties come straight to the surface, no matter what we do, right? I am here to help you understand what is going on. You are not crazy and you ARE meant for true love.
See, what most people don’t know is that we become magnets to our life experiences in so many ways, and I believe, the biggie is in our love story!
So, let’s get to it. How you can become a magnet to your ideal mate! There are several steps we take in this process of healing, but for now, let’s start with number one:
1. Relationship Patterns
We must start at the beginning. And, this means we have to look back over our relationships with a microscope. We must be open, honest and mature, revealing what it is about ourselves that keeps attracting relationships that don’t work.
And, it starts at the beginning.
Can you look at your past relationships and discover the similarities between them?
How do you feel in the relationship?
Empowered or disempowered?
Secure or fearful?
Happy or discontent?
Are there similar character traits or behavior patterns your past partners had in common?
These are difficult questions, but the only way to create something new is to discover how we got here! We cannot change what we do not recognize!
On the flip side, what was YOUR contribution to these patterns?
What role have you played in these relationships? Victim? Control Freak? Passive Aggressive? Door Mat?
I ask these questions to probe the honest, self-reflection, not to offend or judge. Trust me, I had my story, too!
Simple; yes. Easy; well, you know the answer! It takes a decision to discover who you are, why you do what you do and how to grow into the best version of yourself, especially your love life. Once you decide, you can begin healing from your past and intentionally, deliberately creating what you really want, you will get there!
To know what your patterns are at this point is the first step to changing your attraction point. When you discover this about yourself, then you can begin to look at the why and how you got here.
I leave you with this: “there is nothing to fear, but fear itself.” Taking a look at your life can seem scary, do it anyway! Your ideal love story depends on it!
It doesn’t matter if you are male or female. It doesn’t matter if you are 16 or 76. It doesn’t matter where you live, what you do for a living or how you spend your free time. It doesn’t matter what race, creed, religion or culture you are. It doesn’t matter what you’ve done in the past or what you plan to do in the future. There is a common thread that bonds us all to one another, from China to Chicago, Bangkok to Berlin, South Hampton to South Africa.
What is this common bond we share you ask?
Oh.. now that’s an easy one… it’s Love, of course. That ooey-gooey, romantic, intimate love that makes the world go round.