By · @janelledalex  ·  · 1.4K Shares

You and your partner have a good sex life, but sometimes it feels ho-hum or even boring.

You may even think that that is normal– be in a romantic relationship for a while and the passion just wanes.

Sex Life and LovemakingNO! The belief that your sex life will eventually take a nosedive is actually a myth. Admittedly, it is a common myth, but you don’t have to allow it to be true for you. 

There are steps you can take to make your sex life sensational again. We are going to share 3 easy steps to get you started.

Step One:

Become aware of the difference between sexuality and sensuality. In a nutshell, your physical sexuality relates to how your body responds and reacts to sexual activity. It is directly connected to the physical aspect of your sex life.

Sensuality is different even though the majority of people make the terms “sensual” and “sexy” synonymous. Sensuality is really about your senses – all of them. Therefore, the point is to bring more sensuality into your lovemaking.

Step Two:

Sex Life, Massage and Making LoveSharing a sensual massage embraces all the senses, and we are sharing with you how to turn a massage into something new for the two of you.

Enhance your experience through passionate aromas. Consider going beyond the typical idea of artificially scented oils. Instead, choose a few essential oils that are believed to ignite one’s passions, and give your sweetheart a sensual, and yes, sexy, massage. We recommend essential oils such as Ylang Ylang, Sandalwood and Patchouli. Just a few drops of the essential oils in a carrier oil such as almond oil, and you will create a rich aroma that is likely to up-level the massage.

Engage in a more visual experience. Turn the lights down low or use candlelight (flameless candles are great…and safer). Really see your lover as you massage him/her.  Look at the way your hands move across the skin. See the oil glisten in the light. Take notice of tickle spots or quivers. As the receiver, view your partner lovingly running his/her hands over your body. Really see each other during this time.

Feel the touch. During giving and receiving pay attention to how your skin feels against your lover’s. 

Do you feel heat? 

Do your hands slide smoothly? 

Where are the hills and valleys upon your sweetheart?  

And, of course, you can use more than just your hands to massage your lover.

Absorb this lovemaking session (whether or not the massage leads to full-blown sex), into your memory through sound as well. This could be your partner speaking loving words to you. It could be background music. Perhaps, you can hear ocean waves crashing or crickets singing outside or thunder booming.  Take in those sounds because when you hear them again you will travel back to this moment in your mind.

Bring taste into this beautiful equation. You may share pieces of juicy fruit. By taking a slice of fruit you can gently massage your lover’s lips with it, then feed it to him/her.  Or, you can enjoy a sweet and fruity non-alcoholic drink.

Paying attention to the five main senses during this time will absolutely offer you a different lovemaking experience. When you become deeply present with your sweetheart in this way and truly gain awareness of these sensations you will also be connecting to your spiritual self and your partner’s.

Step Three:

Relish in the aftermath. Perhaps, your massages led to gentle lovemaking or even mind-blowing sex. On the other hand, these massages may simply have relaxed you to the point you just want to cuddle. Either way, the two of you should settle into the aftereffects.  Continue to be aware of the senses. What are you experiencing. This is not the time to rush off to the shower and rinse the oil away or roll over and fall asleep. This time helps bring you closer as a couple, and will ultimately lead to an even deeper connection. That, of course, leads to a more sensational sex life.

**Oh, and you can either take turns sharing massages in the same session or opt to focus on just one partner this time.

Rob & Janelle Alex

Drs. Rob & Janelle Alex, Ph.D, Experts in Sexual Energy + Long-lasting Committed Romantic Partnerships are Co-Founders of Mission Date Night.

Couples Coaching/Mentoring | Mission Date Night podcast on iTunes & online | MDN Adventures & Sexy Challenges |

What Do You Think?

4 Comments | Join the discussion

  • Richard Ndamukunda Nov 27, 2016 at 12:30 pm

    True That!

  • becky Jun 21, 2015 at 2:20 pm


  • Nalinaksha Jun 20, 2015 at 8:38 am

    I want a rellesationship with you.


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