By · @janelledalex  ·  · Shares

Thousands and thousands of couples fall into monogamous relationships by default. They believe that is what they are supposed to do.

Yet, far too many people end up feeling lonely and bored. These husbands, wives and committed partners don’t want to cheat, but they are so unhappy and empty inside that they look to the internet to seek out something or someone who they believe can fill the void.

In our modern times, websites, such as Ashley Madison, exist, but not everyone is looking to step outside of their relationship and engage in a sexual affair. What about those who just connect with someone online and begin a seemingly innocent relationship?

There are virtual conversations, emails, and maybe even texts. Shared secrets that no one else knows, laughter, joking, flirting and even erotic communications abound, but these particular individuals never meet face-to-face and they never share in physical sex together.

So, does this mean their relationship is innocent and perfectly acceptable? Does this mean that they are still faithful to their committed partner?

Online Affair and the Effect on Your RelationshipAh, this is where communication within the long-lasting, committed relationship that an individual is in need to be fully recognized as being vital. The only way to know if your romantic partner views an online relationship as an affair or cheating is to have the conversation before it happens.

There is no normal even though our society teaches us that there are “shoulds” and “shouldn’ts” and “dos” and “don’ts”. It is vital that you take a deep look into your own perceptions and expectations of your romantic relationship.

  • What do you believe you should or shouldn’t do?
  • How do you believe you should behave?
  • What expectations do you have of your romantic partner?
  • What are your personal deal breakers…and why?
  • Do you have double standards? Do you believe your partner should follow the same rules as you or do feel there are different circumstances?

Once you have honestly answered these questions of yourself, then it is time to make sure you know how your partner feels about each of these questions.

Talk about commitment and what it means to you. What is your definition of “cheating” or an “affair”? Honestly and openly ponder the following:

  • Does an online emotional relationship with another person feel like an emotional affair?
  • Does online flirting seem like cheating on a spiritual or metaphysical level?
  • How would you feel if your partner was engaged in an online relationship with another person?
  • Is an online relationship beneficial to your committed romantic partnership? If so, in what ways?
  • Is an online relationship detrimental to your committed romantic partnership? If so, in what ways?
  • How much time are you investing in an online relationship versus your committed partnership?

All of these same questions should be considered not only with your committed romantic partnership but with any online relationship you might engage in.

No one can truly give you an absolute “yes” or “no” to the question, “Is an online affair really cheating?”

Only you can answer that for yourself, but how your partner (offline and on) views it is a key aspect to the ultimate happiness of your romantic relationship. As a joyfully happy, monogamous couple, we have our views, but it is important to know what your partner wants and respect and honor each other.

With all of that being said, please remember that conversing online doesn’t really give the opportunity to get know who a person is deep down; therefore, always always always use caution! And, that goes for meeting any new partner online whether you are single are not.

Rob & Janelle Alex

Drs. Rob & Janelle Alex, Ph.D, Experts in Sexual Energy + Long-lasting Committed Romantic Partnerships are Co-Founders of Mission Date Night.

Couples Coaching/Mentoring | Mission Date Night podcast on iTunes & online | MDN Adventures & Sexy Challenges |

What Do You Think?

2 Comments | Join the discussion

  • Mindy Nov 2, 2015 at 4:35 pm

    My boyfriend who I been with for 3 years and asked to be married has met this woman from online dating site. Why do I feel he’s been cheating on me? because according to her, he told her he would pay for her visa so she can come to America to live with him.
    first of all, I don’t know how serious he was but I am so hurting and feel betrayed that he’s been talking to this woman even called her “babe” online. How am I supposed to trust him? Where do I go from here?


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