By · @scott_desteph  ·  · 56 Shares

Working on the inner game when it comes to relating with women is the biggest mistake most men make. They just don’t realize how important it is.

Each time I speak with a man I’m always amazed at how focused they are on going to the gym, eating right and dressing ‘properly’ in their life.

Many men lack an understanding of how important their mindset and internal sense of self is.

As men we are very conditioned to be focused on the external things – the things our senses can experience.

The problem is that for women, so much of what attracts them to us is what we can’t see – the intangibles.

Sure having the good looks and the physical attributes help… but more important for women are qualities like presence, confidence and emotional intelligence.

Most men I speak to about this know this in theory, it is not a new idea to them.

However, how they go about getting it through the physical realm and thus rely on the same old external avenues to garner internal results. They bulk up their body or their bank accounts to gain confidence when that doesn’t create true esteem.

When it comes to getting and staying with highly astute and powerful women, this emotional bypass ensures that the relationships won’t last.

The reason that they don’t last is because when things happen that threaten their exterior world, their relationship can’t sustain the stress and ends.

Confidence is really the glue that holds relationships together. If you aren’t confident then there is almost no chance that your relationship will stand the test of time.

She may not know that what she senses is a lack of esteem, but she will start to lose interest, doubt who you are, become less attracted and lose her patience.

So if confidence is the glue, how do you build it without using externally generated routes?

The following 3 points really work:

1. Build on Your Integrity

The more you build your integrity the more you build your confidence – these two are directly related to each other. Integrity isn’t just about doing what’s right – it’s about honouring your word as yourself. Take care of broken promises or things that you haven’t done that you know you need to. Deal with the shit in your life and relationships that you are avoiding.

It could be the long overdue raise you know you need to ask for or taking out the garbage when you said you would. If you see your promises as equal to your honor, your internal level of esteem is destined to grow.

2. Live True to Your Purpose

Knowing your purpose is key when it comes to confidence. It is THE THING that provides direction and clarity for your values. Creating your purpose will support you when life occurs as a struggle because it allows you to gain perspective on what is happening and how to move forward. Your purpose acts as a North Star or lighthouse for you to use to navigate towards when you feel lost or disoriented in life.

3. Grow Your Presence

The more present you are, the more she’ll be attracted to you. Women love a man who can fully BE with them in the moment, who aren’t just there physically while preoccupied with other things. When you are fully present in life, without distractions you’ll also find yourself feeling fuller, more grounded and more confident in who you are – all of which only adds to your stock with women.

Focusing on the long term game of bettering yourself will go a long way in making a huge difference when it comes to having success with the opposite sex.

If you want to know a great place to do that, in the next few days I’ll be running a class where you can learn these skills as well as more on the biggest mistakes you’re making right now that crush your confidence, empty your bank account and turn women off. It’s free and you can register for it here.

In the game of attracting high value, powerful women working on who you are is the only route that gets results.

Scott DeStephanis

Scott DeStephanis helps ambitious men access innate confidence to live out their purpose, master their love life and succeed in their career.


With over 10 years of experience leading seminars, workshops and presentations internationally Scott founded “Man School” – a program custom crafted to support men actualizing their greatest potential.


In a past career, Scott was a renowned trainer for a high-profile personal development company. He used his last corporate role to create a program that aimed to revolutionize the marriage counseling industry.


Love & Growth are his two highest values.


He’s worked with hundreds of men and couples to help them rejuvenate and revitalize their marriage. Sharing transformational tools to cultivate access to the present moment is the only game Scott is interested in playing.


You can find out more about Scott and his work at

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