Do you feel that you’ve been wasting your time with the wrong dates over and over?
Dating can be daunting and seem like an endless chase after someone of whom you start doubting the existence. Once you think, you have the right one, you want to settle. When you realize this wasn’t the right person, you stubbornly keep trying as you want to believe this person is out there – somewhere. Until you finally identify that person, here are a few advice I would recommend you to follow so you get out of that unsuccessful pattern.
Take your time and get to know your date, before jumping into a committed relationship. Being too quick, too soon doesn’t always bring the best outcome. The first weeks in a relationship are the best. That’s what I call the honeymoon period. You’re both getting to know each other. Everything is beautiful and marvelous. It’s great to live the moment but it’s also important to take some distance and go with the flow without getting submerged emotionally.
Trust yourself and your values. Do not try to be another person or embracing a completely different personality. Altering or restraining your personality to get a person to like you is actually a huge sign of your non-compatibility. Plus…. It WILL backfire! Be confident enough to believe that the right partner will appreciate you for who you are and not who you’re trying to be to match their expectations.
Know Your Standards
We all have standards. It’s essential to stick to them. [If you can’t think of any standards, take some time to reflect.] For example, if you hate smokers, you should probably not settle for a heavy smoker. If you want kids, avoid people who claim they don’t want kids at all. You are ambitious, so you should stay away from unambitious people. You want a person that likes to go out, don’t even think about being in a relationship with a person who enjoys spending all their free time at home watching TV. All this may work for a while but, on the long run, it will create frictions and be the subjects of arguments.
Be a Happy and Positive Person
The glass doesn’t have to be half-empty. It is much better to see it half-full. Create the life that you want (change your job if you hate it, try that hobby you’ve always wanted to try, try new things, see the bright sides of things that you cannot change…) and do more of what makes you happy. People usually like to hang around happy people. Also, don’t try to be in a relationship to fill a void in your life. Happiness comes from within. Nurture it.
Listen to Your Intuition and Guts
This has happened to all of us, at the beginning of a relationship (that does not last), we notice things and feel that this is “probably” not the right fit, but we stick around for different reasons: “it feels nice”, we fear loneliness, we think that that’s the best we can do and want to hold on to whatever dating status this is…. Weeks, months, or – worse – years later, we realize that this wasn’t the right fit. So weeks, months or years have been wasted with someone that you instinctively knew – from the start – wasn’t the match and, sadly, you blocked your chances at meeting your match. So, please do yourself a favor and listen to your inner feelings.
Sign Up to the Right Dating Sites and Assess Compatibility
There are thousands of dating platforms out there. If you want to find the right person for you, you should definitely spend your time on sites that’ll bring you the type of person you’re looking for.
For example, you’ll have better chances to land a relationship partner on Match.com rather than on Tinder, land an African-American date on BlackPeopleMeet.com than a more general site or app like POF or Eharmony or be in contact with dates from Latin America on sites like Amigos rather than general sites. There is at least one dating site for every persona and interest: bikers, rich, geeks, Ivy league graduates, activists, pet lovers, music enthusiasts, Jewish, Latinos, democrats, vegetarians etc… Do your research!
Once you have selected the right site(s) and set up your profile(s), make sure you review the profiles of the person you’re messaging. If you feel that there are absolute non-compatibility points, don’t force it. Please, lose the habit of wasting time exchanging with non-compatible matches.
Put Yourself Out There
Hang out where your potential match may hang out. You can find love anywhere and everywhere. You just have to be at the right place, at the right time and with the right state of mind. Be open, easily approachable and, inversely, don’t hesitate to make the first move if you spot a suitable date.
Now, it’s time for you to step up. If you’ve been attracting the same type of dates and are not content about it, it means that you have to change something. These few insights should help you achieve your dating goals. Remember, don’t settle for less that you expect! Think long-term!