Sex is almost as important as love in binding couples together.
It is crucial in maintaining the intimacy that connects you as a united duo. However, sex all too often falls by the wayside in long-term relationships. Other things get in the way, such as jobs, children and daily household tasks.
Once you are settled into life as a long-term couple, sex can become something that is only an afterthought once in a while and not the priority it should always be in your lives. New love is full of sex and intimacy. Don’t let a lack of sex cause your long-term relationship to fall apart. It can happen. Many divorces and breakups where people say they “grew apart” are really because they stopped making sex a priority.
While it may seem difficult to work sex into an already busy life, it can and should be done for the health and well-being of your relationship.
Here are five ways to keep the sex appeal alive in your long-term relationship:
1. Shower Each Other With Physical Affection
Human beings long to be touched. It makes you both feel good about yourselves and about your bond with each other. Touching also causes your body to release endorphins that make you happy.
When you are happy, you are more likely to want to have sex. Touch each other often throughout the day, be it with a kiss, a stroke of the hair or cheek, a hug or a more intimate kind of touch. And remember, men want to be touched as much as women do, even if they don’t always say so. The touching must go both ways.
2. Be Respectful of Each Others’ Needs
It often happens in a relationship that one person feels like having sex more than the other. If your partner really doesn’t want to have sex due to being too tired, be respectful of that, but also maintain the physical closeness and affection both of you need, as that will stoke the desire in your partner.
If one of you needs a lot of foreplay or a romantic setting to get in the mood for sex, be respectful of that, too. Don’t just demand sex. Sex should be something you both want to do and enjoy, not an obligation for one of you. Give your partner what he or she needs to feel sexy, and sex will become something you both look forward to doing together again.
3. Try New Things
It is easy to get into a rut with sex when you are in a long-term relationship. Agree with each other to explore new options in sexand have an understanding that you will both be open to these new ideas. While you must never force your partner to do something he or she truly feels bad about doing, you should both look for new things you are equally willing to try.
Visit an adult toy store and see what things look interesting to you both. Read a book together about different sexual positions and then try some of them. Use your imagination and come up with your own ideas. You will spice up your sex life and become much more appealing to each other, just like when your relationship was new.
4. Make Time to Be Alone Together on a Regular Basis
Getting time alone together can be really difficult once you have children. However, you will never keep that feeling of being a couple if you don’t take time to be alone together at regular times. Make your alone time together a “must-keep” appointment.
Get a babysitter if you have to, or sneak some time alone while the children are sleeping. You don’t have to make these “alone” sessions long. Just a half hour or an hour or so one to two times a week — or more, if you can manage it — will be perfect.
You don’t even need to use this time to have sex. Instead, use it to renew your feelings of connection to one another. Cuddle with each other, watch TV or a movie, give each other sensual massages, or just chat about what you’ve each been doing. This will re-establish intimacy between the two of you and make you both more receptive to sex when one of you wants to initiate it.
5. Fantasize Together and Act on Those Fantasies
You and your partner both have secret sexual fantasies. You shouldn’t be embarrassed about talking to each other about them. It may open up whole new avenues of sex for you both and increase your satisfaction with your sex lives.
Hearing each other’s fantasies may make you look at each other with a new light and increased desire. Act out as many of your fantasies with each other as possible. Knowing a new fantasy is about to become a reality in the bedroom is one of the best ways of keeping the sex appeal alive in a long-term relationship.
Just because you’re in a long-term relationship doesn’t mean you have to give up sex. In fact, the longer you’re together, the more important you should make sex in your relationship.
Once the sex goes, the relationship will probably soon go with it — unless you’re both very elderly, and even then, intimacy is important even without sex. Use these tips to keep the sex appeal alive in your relationship and you will feel like a new couple in love all over again, all the time, which is as it should be.