While sex is something that you do, DID YOU KNOW THAT sexuality is woven into the fiber of who you are?
Did you know that the fiber of who you are is actually just another way to speak to your true identity?
Sexuality, the choices we make, the feelings we feel and the forces that call out to us are at the core of our very being. How we experience the depth of our sexuality and how we experience sex with others, and even on our own become a profound part off how our identity forms and our self-esteem gets defined (within our own mind).
The way we perceive our body and even our perception and legitimate engagement of sexual experience will always play a significant role in each and every relationship. Those perceptions are sometimes designed strictly from the wiring we have created in our own minds. Sometimes the way we feel is a result of reflections from the reactions and mirroring that we witness through a partner’s eyes. All of these moving pieces have a monumental impact on the development of self-esteem. Remember, this can go well (healthy), and it can also go quite sideways (unhealthy).
The interesting thing is that sex and sexuality is not the only thing that defines identity and self-esteem, so ironically, if we already have built high self-esteem through other experiences in this life, our sexual experiences can be far more positive and serve to enhance what is already a working model of a strong identity. Still, I hope you are “getting” that it is all interconnected.
When we have high self-esteem, our approach to sex is far more open and our sexuality can be addressed with courage, bravery and truth. This most often leads to positive, respectful and healthy outcomes. The contrary to this is when we don’t feel good about our bodies and our genitalia; we so often have harmful sensitivities about the way we are seen.
Our sexual experience(s) can be tainted by our own damaging perceptions that permeate directly into the experience. We can project our self-limiting beliefs so that we actually create limits that contaminate any experience that may have had potential for vast pleasure.
Feeling comfortable and being able to access and offer genuine expression is the goal. The ability to meet this goal begins with understanding our body and exploring the specifics of what feels amazing, intoxicating and exhilarating. It is also vital to understand what feels uncomfortable, invasive, scary and even abusive.
Our communication about sex must uphold a standard of authenticity and integrity for us to be safe. The safer we feel, the more we can trust. The more we trust, the more we ensure that we, ourselves, designed a positive communication model. That model based on trust and open communication can directly correlate back to self-esteem. In other words, you designing what is healthy, right, fair, and exciting for YOU… is an immense key that can greatly contribute to the exact formula of how you build your OWN self-esteem. How cool is that???
We can experience delight, joy and gratification in many ways; we so often think there is a lid on that box of ideas, but there is no lid. The ideas can be limitless. The feeling of fulfillment and happiness through sensual activity can be achieved alone or with another person, and this is not an “either-or” choice, it is a “both-and” choice. Whether alone or with a partner, remember that there are many products available to enhance your pleasure, prolong activity and intensify your experience.
Why are we so afraid to discuss these options?
Why does one partner get offended when another partner inquires about exploration?
Investigation is an exercise in learning; it is expansive and serves to help you know both your personal desires and that of your partner more deeply. This can only be a good thing.
Must you act on these desires?
No, of course not. What you learn provides information that allows you to make wise and even exciting decisions, but they are YOUR decisions. Do not be afraid to learn, explore, discover, understand, and grow. It is with this growth and knowledge that you gain confidence, and with this confidence that you can know and love yourself all the more. That sounds to me like self-esteem at its best.