“Mike, I need your help, man. I’ve got this girl I’m seeing. She says she really likes me and when we hang out together it’s great. But she’s always flaking out on me. We’ll set a date and then she’ll totally forget about it. Or she’ll show up late. How do I get her to stop flaking on me?” —Charles
Um. She’s just not that into you.
Or maybe she is and she’s just one of those people who’s late for everything and thinks clocks are cruel tyrants invented by assholes.
Either way, the possibility that she’s going to spontaneously change are really, really low.
So here are two versions of what you can do:
1. You can try using curiosity to make actually showing up for dates with you a fun activity for her that she might actually put some effort into.
You know “OK, we’re getting together Tuesday at 7. Make sure you’re wearing long pants and a crazy wig. I’ll tell you why then.” (Probably not the best example.)
Or . . .
2. You just stand up for yourself and show that you’ve got some self worth.
Which means you stop chasing her. You stop doing all the work. You stop making plans around her schedule. Instead of making plans specifically with her, you say “I’m going to do (INSERT AMAZING THING) on Tuesday, you should meet me there.”
She will or she won’t. And if she doesn’t, you move on. The absolute worst thing you can do is keep fumbling over yourself for her, though. There be dragons.
Whew! That was a long one.
More for you in a few days.