“I’ll text you.” I often hear single people say this to one another after they first meet. They want to use it to communicate back and forth, to get to know each other, and even to ask each other out.
During the eight months I dated my now husband long distance, we didn’t rely on texting. In fact, we couldn’t. Our cell phone carriers didn’t exchange connections. He lived in Switzerland and had Swisscom, while I lived in Denver with a USA phone service. We just didn’t have texting capability. Instead, we emailed, spoke on the phone, traveled to see each other every few months and, best of all, Skyped quite a bit. We connected via body language and eye contact. That might not have happened if all we’d done was text each other!
3 Reasons Texting Causes More Harm Than Good:
1. Texting can, and often does, cause misunderstandings.
In my late thirties, I dated a guy who fired questions at me via text. At first, I really appreciated him wanting to get to know me. I answered all of his texts willingly and enjoyed the process. After a while, though, I found myself exhausted and tired of it. One evening, I gently let him know I was going to get some things done around the house and needed some quiet time. He was annoyed with that and his texts kept coming. When he relayed his dissatisfaction to me, I felt stalked and unable to enjoy my evening. Obviously, texting did not actually communicate here!
2. Texting can allow you to hide behind the screen.
It seems people are afraid of leaving messages and not having them returned. Why not pick up the phone and ask someone when they can go out with you or when they could be available to speak over the phone? Being a good relationship candidate requires these skills! Do you really want to date someone who won’t talk to you?
3. Emoticons create very little romance.
Are emoticons sexy?
I suppose they could be, but only after you know each other well, which takes actual contact. We all love a smiley face or hearts on our screens, but don’t forget the real-life romance too.
Looking back, I am incredibly grateful our cell phones did not communicate with one another. Was it the reason we fell in love in four days rather than four months? Perhaps. I do know that seeing each other in person while on vacation, emailing, and Skyping regularly gave us the greatest chance to get to know each other quickly. We could talk openly about issues, visually communicate, and create a deeply bonded relationship.
There is nothing wrong with texting. It is a good way to exchange information, like times to see each other or talk.
It can do more harm than good in dating, though, by actually preventing a connection from developing. I ask you to consider if it’s causing more harm than good as you work on falling in love with the person of your dreams! What do you think?