We’ve all been guilty of this at point or another, it’s part of the learning process.
Every guy I know (myself included) has run the emotional gauntlet of working up the courage to walk up to woman and having a half-decent conversation with her.
On top of that, you have to keep yourself from getting too excited or looking desperate because you know she’ll shut you down once she gets a whiff of that.
But most men don’t realize it’s that same nervous energy that turns off women the most. There’s just something off-putting (scary, even) about a guy whose self-esteem depends too much on her approval.
Like I said, it happens to all of us, BUT some guys do it WAY MORE than others.
How do you know if you’re one of those thirsty guys?
This is something you can’t afford to ignore. No matter how great of a guy you are, women won’t see that if there’s a needy attitude getting in the way.
Here Are the Biggest Indicators to Watch Out For:
Sign You’re Desperate #1: Giving Away The Game Too Early
You managed to get her number and now you’re exchanging text messages to keep her thinking about you. Good work, man.
At this stage, the idea is to keep things playful and casual to the absolute breaking point where she can’t stand it any longer and wants to take things to the next level.
Of course, texting is only a part of your overall game (meeting up is obviously the other half of the equation), but it’s a powerful tool to generate attraction. So the worst thing you could do is blow it by jumping into the kinky stuff before she’s ready.
That means no pictures of your, um, nether regions – nor is it cool to ask her for nudes. Wait until she starts bringing up R-rated stuff over text, then gradually bring her into sexual territory.
Thirsty Guy Red Flag 2#: You Treat Her Like a Goddess
Women tell us they want a guy who worships and treats them like royalty, but the truth is that they only THINK they want this.
There’s nothing wrong with aspiring for the ideal, but like the saying goes, “Careful for what you wish for…”
It’s not healthy to have an unnatural kind of reverence for a girl. The reality of having a clingy guy around her is going to overpower her fantasy of being worshipped.
Here are a few prime examples:
– Hanging on to every word that comes out of her mouth. Remember: every little thing she does is NOT magic, and that’s OK because she’s human like everyone else.
– Heaping on the praise like there’s no tomorrow – ease up on the compliments. A few well-placed words at the right moment work better than drowning her in adoration 24/7.
– ‘Yes Man’-itis, i.e. being terrified of having a different opinion from hers. That’s not to say you can’t shift your position on a topic after considering her side, but changing your opinion on a dime to make her happy is a wimpy move.
Women WANT a healthy level of resistance from you – strike that balance by saying “Yeah, I get what you’re saying, but help me understand this…”
Desperation Signal #3: Hitting On Anything That Moves
So that lady you were talking to just ran back to her friends after she finished that drink you offered her. That’s not a reason for you to start chatting up the people working at the bar (or wherever you’re at).
That woman serving you drinks is basically obligated to be nice and pleasant to everyone, so that’s shaky ground for any guy to build attraction with her.
Go somewhere else. Or better yet, go home, sleep on it and work on polishing your game by figuring out what you did wrong.
Neediness Alert #4: Being TOO Persistent
It’s a HUGE mistake to think you’ll somehow make a woman feel attracted to you by reasoning with her. That’s just not how her mind works – or any other person’s for that matter.
It’s your behavior – NOT your words – that will compel her to give you her number, or agree to go out with you.
So if she’s already turned you down, it simply means you didn’t come across as a guy that she wants to hang out with – nothing personal.
Don’t make it worse by trying to change her opinion. Quit while you’re ahead and move on.
Clingy Guy Move #5: Being a B*tch a About It
Speaking of your behavior, here’s a valuable tip: don’t be bitter about getting rejected. Be a big boy and keep your dignity intact by managing your emotions.
Seriously, you’ll feel better by walking away like a man instead of whining (e.g. “Why not?”) or slipping in a side remark before parting ways.
I recommend this even MORE when she’s being mean. Show her who’s the Alpha Man by not engaging in her pettiness.
Stay frosty, kill her with kindness and wrap things up on a positive note. That’s the attitude that will attract the right woman when you meet her.
Sign You’re a Try-Hard #6: No Sense of Subtlety
You want to impress her for sure, but there’s an art to it. You can’t just rattle off a list of the things you own, how much you make or what you’ve accomplished.
As I told you, words alone aren’t going to convince her that you’re a quality guy. Insert some context into your conversation and let her connect the dots.
Tell her a story about the time you got out of a jam (like with your friends or in a work-related situation). This tells her you kept it together under pressure, which is a good quality to have in a potential partner.
Also, the more emotional details, the better – women are more hardwired to respond to stuff like that as opposed to guys.
Use the same approach to share any experience that highlights a trait of yours that you want her to appreciate. It takes some practice, but you’re golden once you nail this down.
Weak Guy Indicator #7: Trashing Another Man
We all can’t be Ryan Gosling or Channing Tatum with their Photoshopped-looking abs, and women don’t need you to.
Look at it from a macro level: it’s a fact of nature that some guys will have an edge over others.
Don’t let that bother you because there’s plenty enough to go around for everyone.
So save your energy and don’t bother talking crap about that douchebag friend hanging around the girl you like (every woman’s got one of those in orbit).
Attraction Killer #8: Having a Thing For “Exotic Women”
This isn’t a bad thing in itself. We all have our type, be it Hispanic, Japanese, Swedish, etc.
But skip the part where you need to share this with her because it does nothing to make her feel comfortable around you.
Don’t overdo it by suddenly speaking in Spanish when she wasn’t. Just because she’s of a certain heritage doesn’t necessarily mean she actually speaks the language.
(Same goes for making cheap cultural references or stereotypes about her race.)
How do I know this? Just ask my female friends from second, third and fourth generation immigrant families who get annoyed by guys making a big deal about their ethnic origins.
Remember, approaching and talking to her is enough to tell her it’s “game on” and you’re interested. No one wants to be liked solely for something they don’t have any control over, like their genes.
If you really want to connect with a girl, focus on her personal qualities and give her props for it.
Are You Thirsty? Sign #9: Negging Her
I’m not saying that negging doesn’t work at all, but most of the time it will end badly for a guy who tries this.
Insulting a woman (whether directly or indirectly) is an obvious sign you need to “bring her down to your level.”
That’s not exactly the mark of a self-confident guy.
If you pretended to think that lowly of her (e.g. “Are those lashes real?”), why are you talking to her in the first place? She’ll see right through the act.
If you want to mess around with her, be fun and friendly about it. Inject a little silliness and irreverence – like calling the cute barista at your coffee shop “Lord Of Caffeine” or something.
Using humor to bond with a girl – instead of putting her down – creates an inside joke with her that only the two of you understand.
Maybe You’re Too Clingy – Signal #10: Being Greedy
I’ve seen a lot of guys approaching a group of women with the intent of hitting on them ALL.
Wise man says, “Chasing two rabbits means you catch neither.”
Here’s a better strategy: save the actual flirting for that one girl, then work on getting the vote of confidence from her friends.
If you play your cards right, the rest of the group will “pre-approve” you for your target. You just need to focus on being fun to be around and have plenty of conversational material to engage everyone.
By the time you start focusing most of your attention on the girl in your sights, her friends will practically encourage her to give you a shot.
You Need To Back Off – Red Flag #11: Unsolicited Phone Calls
Unless you’re Leonardo DiCaprio or some insanely popular celebrity, calling a woman without first setting it up is going to come across as weird to her.
There has to be a VALID reason to get in touch with her, like picking up where you left off from a texting session a few days before. Unless you’ve been going steady for a while, she won’t want to meet up by calling her on a random, spur-of-the-moment basis.
Sign That You’re In Needyville #12: Not Taking a Hint
So you’ve texted, emailed and Facebook messaged your lady friend a butt-load of times, but you haven’t heard a peep out of her.
Take that as a sign she wasn’t as interested as you hoped she’d be. And that’s perfectly OK.
It could be that she’s having a bad week. She might be going through a weird phase or she’s a flaky woman.
Or maybe she got kidnapped by aliens.
Most of the time, it has nothing to do with you. After you’ve given her plenty of time to respond, stop trying to contact her.
Otherwise, it’s like talking to a wall – the longer you keep at it, the more desperate you’ll look.
Hold Your Horses – Signal #13: Smothering Her
You’re into her, I get that. And when she feels the same way OR you’re finally in a relationship with her, I know how mind-blowing that can be.
Guys who are new to dating tend to get overexcited and send a flurry of texts when they’re apart from the girl they like. And when they ARE together, they’re always “hovering” over the poor girl and making her feel crowded.
Trust me, I’ve done the same thing when I was younger. Just think of it this way – you can’t have a flame without oxygen.
Know when to back off a bit, give her a little room to breathe and give yourselves a chance to do your own thing for a while.
Soon enough she’s going to wonder, “Hey I wonder what he’s doing?”