By · @DrLaWanda  ·  · 15 Shares

Many times people go into relationships with unrealistic expectations, expecting more than they are willing to give, and then feeling disappointed and frustrated when their expectations are not met.

Why create expectations for someone that you are not willing to meet?

Why put pressure on someone when you can’t handle the pressure?

Why expect something from someone that you are not willing to give?

The danger of having unrealistic expectations causes a person to conform to your way of doing things, causes him/her to think like you and act like you, and the problem is YOU, you’re trying to change him/her to fit the image of a relationship you have in your head, the image you’ve had since you were younger or the image you’ve seen on television… how many times have you watched a romantic movie and found yourself saying how you want or wish you had a relationship like that and how you want someone to treat you the same as in the movie?

Unrealistic expectations cause relationships to fail, creates unhealthy relationships, causes stress, ongoing relationship conflicts, health issues, and will set your mate up for failure.

Yes, everyone wants to be in a relationship that fits and is best for them, but does that mean you should create what you want, at the cost of causing distress on and in someone else’s life? No, it’s not fair; there is no perfect relationship or person. One of things I’ve found is that unrealistic expectations are created from insecurities, low self-esteem, unhealthy relationship experiences, and from the unconscious desire to fulfill a void or emptiness, and to keep from getting hurt.

So what do you do when your expectations supersede what you’re getting in your relationship?

Are your expectations the same as your standards?

Should your mate automatically meet your expectations?

There’s nothing wrong with having expectations, but unrealistic expectations will ruin your relationship.

Keep in mind, to have a healthy, good, loving, strong, and lasting relationships takes, time, effort, hard work, dedication, and commitment. You have to remember that you are not perfect and don’t expect your mate to be perfect.

Consider making some adjustments to your expectations by:

  • Not expecting a perfect relationship
  • Accepting that your mate will make mistakes
  • Leaving room for mistakes and imperfections
  • Not expecting him/her to live up to your expectations

So, if you want to have a happy and healthy relationship, here’s a list of unrealistic expectations you should stop doing:

  1. Stop expecting your mate to read your mind
  2. Stop expecting your mate to always understand your feelings
  3. Stop expecting your mate to always see things from your perspective
  4. Stop expecting your mate to spend all of his/her time with you
  5. Stop expecting your mate to meet all of your emotional needs
  6. Stop expecting your mate to automatically know how to meet your needs

A relationship is not all about you, and it takes two people to make or break a relationship. But, having unrealistic expectations will damage a relationship before it starts. Take some time to examine your expectations for your relationship, think about if your expectations are unrealistic and need to change, and think about which areas of your relationship needs improvement.

Sometimes it’s not what you do in your relationship that causes chaos, but it’s the expectations you have that cause you to become disappointed, let down, and frustrated when they are not met.

How do you react when your expectations are not met?

Dr. LaWanda N. Evans

Dr. LaWanda N. Evans empowers and encourages women to love themselves, to make healthy relationship decisions, and positive changes in life that lead to happiness and improvement in their emotional and mental health. She encourages women to believe in themselves, to reach their full potential, to achieve their goals.

She teaches women and couples how to create healthy, lasting, loving and strong relationships and how to overcome unhealthy relationship patterns. She teaches practical ways to improve relationship and communication skills and decrease conflict.

Dr. Evans is a Licensed Professional Counselor, National Certified Counselor, Relationship Strategist, owner of The Healthy Relationship Institute, and the creator of The Truth About Your Relationship. She transforms the lives of women through counseling, coaching, speaking, and writing. You can learn more about her and the services she provides by visiting her website at

Dr. LaWanda N. Evans the creator of The Truth About Your Relationship: No Nonsense Relationship Tips for Single Women and the author up the upcoming book The Truth About Your Relationship: 7 Keys to Accepting the Truth, Letting Go, and Making Room for the Relationship God Has for You. Visit her website at follow her on  twitter at, Facebook and on YouTube

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