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What Kind of Date Are YOU?-1When you are dating, you probably spend a lot of time thinking about meeting the right person.

One aspect of dating that often gets overlooked is whether or not you are a good date. This could sound harsh to some, but if you follow my line of reasoning to the end, you will see a different approach to dating.

Caution: you may realize after reading this article, you aren’t a great date.

I am going to make a couple of assumptions. You are currently dating, not in an exclusive relationship, and you have a broad brush idea of what you are looking for in a date. We all know what a bad date is, but…

What is a great date?

One where both parties leave with a single thought in mind, “Oooh, I want to do that again!” Dates like these have three parts: chemistry, connection and conversation. (Similar to managing a golf course)

Steve MC19’s take on Redditt says “To me, chemistry is when, after the date, I start thinking about her a bit more than I would have expected. It’s when I’m planning three, four dates ahead because I can see myself having fun like we did on the first date. It’s when I’m wanting to text just to text, but I’m not an idiot so I’m not going to…but damn I want to.

Chemistry, to me, is a slow reaction. I don’t get that spark like other people who expect it on the date; I get that slooooww burn that builds up after we’ve parted ways.”

Most of the time, chemistry is either there or it isn’t. If you have been asked out on a date, we’ll consider that the chemistry piece is a gimme. Now for the other pieces…Did you know you can enhance chemistry with flirting, i.e. connection and conversation?

Flirting is part skill, part art. If you are worried about being too forward, it is better to try flirting than not.  Now, I could give you a step-by-step, but paint-by-number paintings always end up at the Goodwill. So, I am going to give you the concepts. You want to be authentic and fluid, which means you have to work with who YOU are to make flirting work.

Here are the Key Components:

Teeing Off

Show genuine interest in what your date is saying. Listen actively so that when it is your turn to speak you can respond to what they are saying. Often we think we are listening, but usually we are thinking about what we want to say next. Oh, and have something to say about current events, about you.

However, if you are saying “I, I, I” for more than three minutes, you are talking too long and about the wrong thing. Watch the eyes. They tell all. If you see them start to glaze over, you are losing your date. Quickly, pivot and ask a question. It is important to do this well. It sets the tone for the remainder of the date.

In the Fairway

Notice their sexiness. Use your eyes and your intuition to gauge your date’s mood.  No one wants to go out with their sibling, but that doesn’t mean go all explicit Prince Do Me, Baby. Take the middle path, a heartfelt compliment laced with some double entendre should do the trick.

Around the Green

What Kind of Date Are YOU?-2Use touch. Yes, you can use touch on a first date, but only if you have managed the earlier portions of the course well. If you have not, touch can blow the date up…in a bad way! Gauge receptivity from body language, length of eye contact and vocal tone. If your date spends more time looking at the plate and looks stiff in the chair, do NOT touch. Go back a few steps to see if you can make a comeback.

Dating can be nerve wracking. So as you are getting ready for your next date, remember not only to be on time and look good, but flirt a little. Have fun! Be a great date!

April Boddie

April Boddie is a Blogger and Certified Professional Coach in Washington, D.C., who specializes in helping people choose partners intentionally.

She believes that love works best when you give yourself a fighting chance – by choosing the right partner. Finding a partner is one of the most important and complex decisions you will make, yet it is often left to trial and error. You can contact her for dating and relationship coaching through her blog, Grow Your Love Life.