Have you ever wondered why the person who appears to be the perfect match never seems to pan out?
This person texts and emails but never gets around to meeting you. If and when they do, something comes up at the last minute, and they cancel…
The truth is you’ve been benched!
I’ve been benched a time or two. What about you? What exactly is benching?
The Bencher texts, emails and calls, but is never available to meet up. The Benchee, on the other hand, is given just enough attention to keep them on the hook. The Benchee is being strung along. They’re not even in the starting lineup, yet they haven’t exactly been cut. They’re being kept on the sidelines just in case the Bencher has a change of heart.
The difference between Benching and Ghosting is the Bencher is reluctant to sever contact. He doesn’t want to lose his safety net. He can remain totally noncommittal while keeping that person in reserve. If the Bencher is actually someone you’ve met, it doesn’t become an awkward situation when you run into each other. You can exchange pleasantries, and the door still remains open for whenever he moves forward – which maybe never.
Ghosting is a term you might be more familiar with. Ghosting can be the slow fade, or the complete disappearance of the love interest. It’s the coward’s way out. Rather than dumping that person, the Ghost simply disappears. But at least with Ghosting you’ve been sent a very clear message. Not so with Benching.
Tuning is exactly what it sounds like. The person is tuning you up. The Tuner will send you a few intriguing pics, and some nicely worded emails, but nothing too flirtatious. Things are kept at a friendly, but professional level, so they can say they never misled you. The Tuner dips a toe in the water, but never quite immerses his foot.
Layby is another new expression I’ve recently learned.
The layby is a Tuner, except this Tuner is still in a relationship that they’re reluctant to end. They need a backup so the Tuner sets things up. You’re the lady or gent in waiting should the relationship end.
Things are kept vague on purpose, because in the event the current partner catches on, they’ll have nothing specific to go on. This lining up of the next love interest, before getting out of the current relationship, is common practice.
Catfishing, better known as the Internet scam, has become quite common. People create online identities that are nothing like themselves. The idea is to trick people into romantic relationships and reel in the needy and heartbroken. These scammers play on people’s emotions. The language is overly flowery and an instant commitment is expected. They’ll agree to meet, but just before the meet up, an emergency comes up; one that requires you sending them money. Don’t!
Whether it’s a Bencher, Tuner, Ghoster, Catfisher or Layby, these types are wastes of space and energy sucks.
The moment the red flag goes up, run and don’t look back. Your time is better spent with someone who makes you a priority not an option.