Hey it’s Mike Fiore with your weekly Digital Romance Newsletter!
Today, we’re going to dive into (braces for impact)… P@RN!
I really love hearing from you guys, good or bad, so please send me a message about what you think of today’s newsletter to firstname.lastname@example.org
And now, on with the show!
“I found out my husband is watching p@rn but with the volume off. This is not because he is being secretive; the speakers on the computer don’t work. So he is big on looking at pics, and I want to know why the “moans” are not important as you say? He also watches teen p@rn, not exclusively, which I find disturbing. I did a search on the internet, some say it is okay, some don’t. What do you say? Thanks!”
Buckle in folks, it’s gonna be a bumpy ride…
Why Do Men (AND WOMEN) Like P@rn?
Ummm… why is the sky blue? Listen, men and women like porn because, well, they’re human. Our society for centuries has told us that sex is bad, when we all know sex isn’t bad; it’s fun and it feels good. But because of this stigma, a lot of people automatically assume that p@rn is bad. There is also the stigma that men watch more p@rn that women. That’s just a big, fat lie. Women love p@rn just as much as men and watch it just as much as men do. (Cue gasps of dissent/disbelief…)
p@rn allows us to live out our fantasies. It allows us to express ourselves sexually in a safe way. Someone might have a foot fetish and is too shy to tell their partner that, so they watch it online. Also, it allows us to relieve some damn stress.
My favorite thing about your question, Deborah, is it brings up a difference between men and women.
Men and Women (usually) Prefer Different Kinds of P@rn
Why does your husband watch p@rn with no noise? Well, he doesn’t need it. As I talk about in my program The Secret Survey: What Men Desperately Want You To Know But Are Too Afraid to Tell You, men are visual creatures.
See, men and women are triggered by different things sexually. It’s why you don’t find men picking up romance novels and getting all hot and bothered. They need to SEE it. Women can read a steamy romance novel and get all wet down below, but it’s not going to do much for a man. Seeing a woman, however, with her lips around a guys… a… cucumber… does turn them on. They can put themselves in the situation, just like a woman can put herself “into” the romance novel. (Have you ever noticed that descriptions on men in romance novels are very detailed and the women are barely described at all? Yeah… there’s a reason for that…)
Don’t get me wrong, I know lots of women who love watching the video I described above, but we have to talk in general terms here.
So is the Moaning Not Important?
When watching p@rn? No. For a man, it’s a great bonus, but he doesn’t need to hear that to get off. (Conversely, I know a lot of women who HAVE to hear the moaning to get off while watching p@rn.)
During Sex? HELL YES!
A lot of people find it hard to separate watching p@rn from having sex. They are 2 very different things. Yes, you get off when watching p@rn, but you’re doing that to relieve stress, or because you just woke up, or because you’re bored, or because you want to feel good for 10 minutes. Sex is different. Sex is an experience. Sex isn’t just about you.
When you have that other person in bed with you, you want to make sure they are feeling good and we express that (a lot of the time) by moaning. And when you hear your partner moan with delight, well, there is nothing hotter than that. In fact, we dedicate an entire section to moaning in our Language of Desire program because so many women find moaning uncomfortable. I highly recommend you check it out…
Now, on to your next question:
Why Does He Like Teen P@rn?
Women, brace yourselves, cause there is no easy way to put this…
You know when you hear about history and all of these old men wanting to marry/bed super young women? It’s kinda like that. Basically, younger women are more fertile, they are “in their prime” physically and well, they are great to look at.
Now, I am NOT CONDONING THIS AT ALL. I’m explaining why hot words/phrases like “Just turned 18!” and “Barely legal teen!” draw men on p@rn sites like bees to honey.
As someone who has a lot of friends in the p@rn industry, trust me, those girls are legal. And if they aren’t, one that’s fucked up, and two it’s illegal.
A couple weeks back, here in Washington, our Facebook feeds got filled with a story of 37 year old man who asked a 16 year told girl out at a Starbucks. He apparently passed her a note asking her to dinner and she reported him to her manager and he got banned from that Starbucks. (Well done Starkbucks!)
What’s more disturbing about that story, other than that she was clearly a minor, is that he has is own website where he talks about wanting to be with only women under a certain age because they are more fertile, and how his older age mean’s his sperm will help prevent cancer and many other “fun” theories as well.
THAT GUY IS A CREEP. Your man watching 18 year old girls who have agreed to be in a p@rn video… well, not a creep. I hope you see the difference.
You also mentioned that that is not the only thing in his p@rn history. So I don’t think it’s a problem.
As always, disagree? agree? Let me know at email@example.com
QUIZ: The only erogenous zone on a man that matters is his ________.
Do you know the answer?
Do you know how to USE the answer?