Episode 175

Can Open Relationships Really Work?

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In today’s episode of Digital Romance Radio, Michael Fiore explores the world of open relationships. How to get into one, how to navigate and create a drama-free one and how to figure out if they even work for you in the first place. Listen and learn…

What Do You Think?

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  • D Aug 8, 2016 at 4:09 pm

    I don’t want someone to stay with me because they feel forced to do so (by society), I’d rather he can go check whether he likes other things and come back to me. We enjoy being with others, swinging is something that happened within a month or two of meeting one another. It was something new for me but I was very curious about it, had been forever.
    Yes we got into this from an unusual perspective. I knew I wanted a relationship eventually, but he said straight out he didn’t. Just a FWB thing. so based on sex, but with a strong current of friendship, in the sense we would go to the movies together and so on. Because he knew I wanted a relationship and didn’t feel like he could give it to me, he encouraged me to date. I knew he saw other women from very early on. I never expected exclusivity.

    From this perspective, it helped with no jealousy. I’m not a jealous person, he said he would be jealous if he were in love, but since he wasn’t in a relationship, he got to not be jealous.

    Now… We’ ve been together for one and a half years. He knows I love him because I’ve told him. We had a few ‘fights’, more disagreements, really, tallking about how we felt. The first one was when we discussed jealousy. I don’t think either of us knew we loved the other yet. We had differing opinions, and were both able to state them and move on. The second was probably when I told him I love him. I think he felt threatened in his freedom, or didn’t feel a romantic relationship was something he had to offer, so didn’t want to lead me on. Once he realised my love wasn’t conditional, didn’t require any changes in the way things were, he accepted it. Now… We’re one step further. I know he loves me even though he’s never said it. I don’t care about those precise words, he’s told me other things and his actions speak louder than any words could.
    We had another crisis when he suggested a game and I told him that some parts of it made me feel uncomfortable. He retreated right away, feeling maybe that me saying no to something in the game (that would make me feel uncomfortable) was similar to judging him, to being against his idea. It was just communicating my feelings. Once I got him to see that, we managed to work past it.
    So here we are, 18 months down the road. I love him, he knows it, he loves me even if he can’t acknowledge it (for reasons I don’t know but don’t need to know). We are in an open relationship. Yes, even though I am not the jealous type, I had to fight some of these feelings in the first year. I realised it was more a matter of fighting my rejection issue, the fear of abandonment too, to some extent, not actual jealousy. I worked on it.

    He sees others, tells me about them openly and I’m fine with it. He encourages me to see others and tell him all about it. The people we see know we see each other. In my case, they know my heart is taken, I can’t speak for him. We also, mostly, swing. We go to clubs together and tried a few things, some which worked great (we stay together, side by side, can connect regularly through our eyes or voices. I know I can trust him to take care of me, make sure I’m happy, safe too). Others didn’t work quite as well and we discussed it afterwards (getting separated, even if it was by choice at first). Now, we’re going to sign for a swinging site.
    So yes, we’re in an open relationship. It hasn’t been very long yet, but it seems to be working for us, because that’s what we both want and because we communicate about how we feel.

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