The stereotype is that men are essentially six-foot penises who drive women crazy (not always in a good way) with their constant demands for nookie.
But c’mon, that’s a cartoon and we both know it.
In fact, it’s not nearly as unusual as you might think for a woman to have a higher sex drive than her man’s… In fact, the last study I read on it said this happens in about 30% of couples.
So if that’s you, what are your options? How do you get your own desires met when you’re the one who wants sex more often than he does?
Hi Claire, I’ve read your Capture His Heart course and it worked! I’ve been living with my gorgeous guy for two years now. We have so much fun together.
The only problem is he’s never had a high sex drive and only wants to make love at most once every couple of weeks. I try not to pressure him but I’d like it more often and I really wish we could tell each other what feels good so we could both enjoy making love together for fun and closeness but if I try to initiate he just laughs and goes to sleep.
What can I do to get that delicious closeness with him? – Sofia
Hi, Sofia; thanks for writing. And I have great news for you: there really are a LOT of things you can do…
1. Start Well in Advance
Girlfriend, I can’t believe you said “if I try to initiate he just laughs and goes to sleep.” You know as well as I do that a man’s arousal begins the same place yours does: the brain. You want him thinking about getting some sexytime with you LONG before the two of you are actually in bed for the night. Guys deserve foreplay too!
Want to know how to get some smokin’ hot lustfires started? Read on.
2. Unlock His Sexual Preferences
You need to know what turns him on, so you can warm up his engine. Look back at times when the sex between the two of you was mind-blowingly delicious.
- What fantasies did you talk about or enact?
- What was the specific situation (time of day, fresh out of the shower, low job stress, etc.)?
- Were there clothes, places, toys, games, or positions that seemed to really add fuel to his sexual fire?
- What kind of “dirty talk” makes him groan with pleasure?
You can also ask him outright about his favorite sexual fantasies; even the act of talking about his favorite set-ups is likely to lead to some steamy action.
Btw, if you want more than 100 extra-juicy erotic questions to get him aroused with, be sure to subscribe to my newsletter, because one of the gift ebooks I send to everyone (after the Love Number book) is called Drive Him Wild, and let me assure you girlfriend, it will make him pant and ache and need to adjust himself…
Go HERE to get subscribed, take the Love Number Quiz, and receive Drive Him Wild (and more sexy-fun bonus ebooks).
3. Widen Your Definition of Sexual Activity
Shoot, girl, there’s plenty of ways to get intimacy outside of intercourse.
What about phone sex? Or taking a shower together, sexy texting, couples massage, mutual touching, watching a sexy movie, bj’s, handjobs, reading him a passage out of a dirty story, nasty-dancing, or even shopping together for sexy clothes and lingerie?
There are so many ways to be erotically connected with your partner that don’t begin (but may end!) with the two of you shagging in a mad-hot frenzy. Get creative and have fun!
Everybody has a different libido…
In the end, your sex drive and his sex drive and everybody’s sex drive in the entire world is different and weird and and hilarious and wonderful. Nobody gets a cast-in-shining-perfection-with-whips-and-rainbow-sparkles sexual match.
Which is part of what makes it all so insanely interesting, right?
So your task, as half of a committed couple, is to figure out how to make your weirdly-shaped libidos fit together. Or at least rub together enough to feel pleasurable and make you smile. 🙂
And don’t forget to do THIS, girlfriend…
Use your words. If this becomes an issue that you can’t seem to solve with any of the tools I’ve already listed, then you need to have a loving, grown-up conversation with him about it.
If one of your foundational needs in the relationship is a certain kind and frequency of sex, he needs to understand and know how best to make you feel loved, right?
You got this, I just know you do.