The path toward deep commitment with a man can be incredibly confusing, can’t it?
Whether you’ve been dating for a few months or you’ve been married for several years, understanding how to gain a deeper commitment of the heart is just not blindingly obvious. It can get tangled and difficult to figure out.
Which is why I created the Love Number Quiz. It helps you figure out which relationship areas you might have blind spots in…the kind of blind spots that can get your heart not just broken, but pulverized, in no time flat.
It will also tell you which areas you ROCK in, you amazing Love Goddess, you. 🙂 You should celebrate those, and pass on the savvy to others in the dating and relationship whirl.
The last two sections of the Love Number Quiz deal with dating and commitment, and can reveal a LOT about your ability to build and sustain a long-term love relationship…
I’m thinking about that now because I recently received this note to my inbox:
Claire, in one of your emails you said we should date other guys while dating the one we want to be serious with, and you say this isn’t cheating. The way I see it, if you are in a serious relationship then you shouldn’t be going on dates with other people, that IS cheating! I would never even consider liking a guy who wasn’t exclusive, which I tend to think the definition of dating is, especially in serious relationships. So, why in the world would I be hypocritical and not be exclusive while I required him to be? This does not sound like good advice to me. – Sylvia
Hi, Sylvia, thanks for taking the time to write. And no, I don’t think you should date other men IF you have already explicitly agreed together to be exclusive. But that’s the catch. It should be a mutual, explicit agreement. In other words…
1. You TALK together about it.
2. You both AGREE to it.
3. You both DO it.
Those are the 3 (often hidden, often overlooked) keys to a deeper, more encompassing commitment in your relationship. You talk about it, agree to it, and do it. Especially when it comes to exclusivity.
I think you’re missing something if you would “never consider liking a guy” who was not immediately and automatically exclusive with you. Casual dating is a great way to get started with someone.
It works the same with close friends. No one ever starts out as a “best” friend – you grow into that over time.
I would never agree that the “definition of dating” is exclusivity. Plenty of people date casually until they figure out whether a particular guy is a good match.
Exclusivity is best for serious relationships, not brand new or casual ones.
Here are 2 major things that are dangerous about thinking that ALL dating is serious:
1. If you go into a new dating relationship ASSUMING that the guy is going to immediately and seriously date only you, then you’re at a major relationship disadvantage. Because you’re giving all your time and energy to him, while he may not be doing the same for you.
2. In addition, by committing yourself entirely before you even know him, you could also be in for a heartbreak.
A totally unnecessary one.
Because all of that can be avoided by going in slowly and casually, then when it becomes clear that the two of you are a great fit, having a clear and open conversation about a deeper commitment.
I’ve written a little more about it in these 2 posts, if you are interested…
My very best to you!
PS: The Love Number Quiz is actually the first part of a short, power-packed free ebook, and it will not only help you figure out your Love Number, but also give you plenty of ingenious ways you can easily and effectively BOOST that Number.
So that you can be happily on your way to deeper, more amazing love.
If you haven’t taken the free Quiz, you can sign up and do that here: