If your marriage is failing and you aren’t sure what to do now, here is a fast, clear answer and a beautiful way to begin your healing process…
Hey Claire Casey, my husband and I have separated recently after 6 years of marriage. He moved out to live with this other girl he says he’s in love with. I was devastated by this, so I found a friend who is willing to be my lover. I didn’t want a relationship with him more than a friend, but it grew. I still love my husband and we are thinking about fixing our marriage, but now I am confused, because the other guy treats me so much better than my husband… I need help to make a choice. – Gilli
Hi, Gilli, thanks for your email. So many women (and men!) need to hear what I’m about to tell you: Your marriage is worth saving.
MOST marriages are worth saving.
The struggle you’re experiencing is that there are so many choices that sometimes, it looks like it would be easier to start over with someone new than to work through the problems with the one you chose originally.
Being in a marriage – or any committed relationship – is like writing a novel:
You get to keep revising and re-working things as much as you need to in order to get the whole thing moving forward. And eventually, you’ll finish it and it will be a marvelous story of struggle and triumph. ?
You’ll be one of those inspiring, adorable old couples about whom everyone says “Awww! They’re still together…”
But if you typically end a relationship at the first (or tenth, or thirtieth) sign of trouble, after a few years, you’ll have a bunch of unrelated first chapters, but no novel.
The #1 Reason Marriages Begin to Crumble…
The biggest reason relationships start to fall apart is this:
You don’t know or have not communicated what things make you feel most loved and cared for.
When that happens, one or both of you are not getting your most basic relationship needs met, and pretty soon, you feel like you’re stuck in a loveless situation.
Then the killing blow: you “settle.”
You don’t know exactly WHY things feel the way they do, so you just sort of make do and hope that it will work itself out. And sometimes it does.
But most of the time it takes a relationship storm to shake you awake again. Someone cheats, or begins to drink, or control and abuse issues come up.
But here’s the good news: It’s relatively SIMPLE to figure out what makes you feel loved.
I always refer people to Gary Chapman’s “5 Love Languages“ book on Amazon, and I hope you’ll read it and figure out your “love language.” It’s one of the best investments you’ll ever make in yourself and your relationships.
The #1 Reason Your Marriage Is Worth Saving…
Your marriage is worth saving if you are willing to do the work.
That’s all it is, really. Work. Not such a scary thing. And there are a couple of critical factors:
- Figuring out the important problems, without getting distracted by all the other problems (or the crazy circus of emotions involved).
- Doing the work of solving the important problems.
Most relationship gurus will tell you that BOTH of you have to be willing to start doing the work.
However, in my (actual, real, personal) experience, if even ONE of you is willing to BEGIN the work, it can be almost like magic… And yes, the marriage can be saved.
Maybe not every time. But it’s worth trying, if you want to stay married.
Go watch this video right now and learn how to use tiny little text messages to turn your wife, girlfriend, boyfriend or husband into an absolute “Romance Addict” even if they don’t seem to care one iota about romance now… CLICK HERE!