By · @polycoaching  ·  · 25 Shares

Curious About Polyamory? Here’s How to Get Started…

Research

Polyamory? Is There Anything Good We Can Get Out of It?Gather information about polyamory and ethical non-monogamy. Make a list of questions and look for answers.

  • What are you most curious about? 
  • What draws you to the lifestyle? 
  • What are the pros and cons for you and your situation? 

Read books, blogs, and articles. Listen to podcasts. Watch youtube videos. Join forums and Facebook groups. Gather information. Share what you learn with your partner or potential partners. Knowledge is power.

Have a Clear Intention

When considering anything new, it’s always a good idea to ask yourself why. 

  • What’s the underlying intention or desire in seeking a polyamorous relationship or in practicing ethical non-monogamy? 
  • Is this for you? For your partner? For both of you? 
  • What are you looking for and what do you think polyamory can offer you?

When we ask ourselves why we want to do something, we begin to dig a little deeper. What do we really want? 

Maybe we’re hungry for more intimacy with our current partner and we heard polyamory is a way to fulfill our hunger. Maybe we have a natural ability to feel romantic love for more than one person and we want to bring that kind of relating to our life. Maybe this is a solo venture and we just want to find a healthy way to be romantically involved with more than one person. Each person will have a different reason, a different intention. They’re all valid. The key is to take the time to get clear with what we are looking for and live from that place. 

Communicate

This is incredibly important. Many people want to bring polyamory into their life or into their relationship but they don’t know how. They know they need to share their desire with their intimate partners but they don’t want to get anyone upset. This is very common. It can be daunting to go into a conversation without knowing the outcome. And, having the conversation is important.

When we share, we give others a chance to see us and understand what’s important to us. We also give the people we are close to an opportunity to share their feelings and make choices based on what’s important to them. Remember, regardless of the kind of relationship, feelings will come and feelings will go. Feel the feelings and communicate.

Go Slow

There’s no hurry. There is a learning curve unique to polyamory. What starts as an idea may take time to materialize. This is normal. There are as many ways of practicing ethical non-monogamy as there are people doing it. Find a pace that works for everyone. This creates a sense of safety, trust, and connection.

Stay Connected

This is where communication, agreements, and check-ins come into play. Having multiple loving relationships takes time and attention. We need to continuously check in with ourselves and with our partners to see how things are going. Address specific situations or agreements. Ask questions. Take notice. Share impact. Connection creates intimacy.

Reach Out for Support

The world of polyamory and open relationships is growing. If you’re looking for support, a good place to start is online. Online is a great way to meet people too! There are Facebook groups and meet up groups all over the world. It’s amazing how easy it is to find poly people online.

Laurie Ellington

Laurie Ellington is a relationship and life coach.  She works with individuals and couples in all kinds of relationships (open, monogamous, polyamorous, questioning, and everything in between!).

For more information about Laurie Ellington (Poly-Coach) and to schedule a free polyamorous relationship coaching exploratory session, visit her website:  http://poly-coach.com/, or send an email to polycoaching@gmail.com.  If you would like to see a non-poly website, visit:  http://laurieellington.com/

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