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Happiness and Relationship Issues that SabotageMyth #1: Life is supposed to be easy.

Fact: Says who? They lied to you. Or you’re lying to yourself. If life was supposed to be easy, it WOULD be. Life is like the university, we enroll in it to learn and grow. Author M. Scott Peck said it best, when we accept that life IS hard, then it gets easier.

Myth #2: You should leave people that push your buttons.

Fact: You belong with the people that push your buttons. Remember, you’re here to grow. You’ll get the maximum amount of learning with the darling folks that pluck your nerves. Besides, we simply aren’t attracted to people who put us to sleep. If you’re asleep, you won’t learn.

Myth #3: If it hurts, it must not be true love.

Fact: True love does hurt. In fact, it hurts more than false love. It’s the ones you love the most that have the power to hurt you the best. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not talking about tolerating punches, body slams, and activities that involve revolvers. But emotional pain is bittersweet. Admit it, you love it when love hurts so good.

Myth #4: If they don’t make me happy, then I must be with the wrong person.

Fact: This is a tricky one. Nobody is responsible for your happiness. Nor can they make you happy. The so-called right person won’t make you happy either. OK, some people are better matches for you. The same ones that can hurt you the most. Because they somehow feel right for you, you feel happier having them in your life. But remember, happiness is an inside job.

Myth #5: I can’t be happy UNTIL…

Fact: Abraham Lincoln was right, we’re as happy as we choose to be. The ego will have you believe your happiness depends on something external to yourself. NOT! Rich people commit suicide while some of the happiest people you’ll ever meet won’t earn in a year what you’ll make by the time you finish reading this post.

Happiness and the Time It Takes to LoveMyth #6: Time heals.

Fact: I have a 70-something year old relative who is 4 years old, emotionally, the age she was when her mother died. Your attention to your wounds will heal you. Not time. And if you wish to enjoy healthy, loving, intimate relationships you’ll heal yourself emotionally. Over time.

Myth # 7: I just can’t forgive them for THAT!

Fact: Everything is forgivable. People have forgiven murderers for taking the lives of their child. Surely you can forgive him or her for cheating on you. Here’s the skinny on that, if you’re going to stay in the relationship not forgiving him or her means you’re choosing to live in the pit of hell.

Forgive them or leave them. Well, even if you leave them still forgive. But if you stay and don’t forgive, know this: You are choosing unhappiness rather than peace, love and harmony.

Myth #8: Men prefer b#t@hes.

Fact: To think, I once believed this crap. Years ago I even assured a friend that the reason her relationships with men tanked was because she wasn’t enough of a b#t@h. Men like self-assured, confident, sweet women who know how to flow with life. B#t@h be gone!

Myth # 9: People know what they need in a mate.

Fact: Nope, they don’t. After they’ve kissed their share of frogs, some people know what they want. Well, they know what they don’t want. As for their needs, not at all. Why? Because our needs aren’t to have someone complete, save, or take care of us. We need each other to grow spiritually and heal emotionally. Sorry, but we’re clueless about those needs until we’re in the midst of meeting them.

Myth #10: I don’t deserve to be happy.

Fact: You’re probably saying, “I don’t think that!” Let’s see. If you think you’ve done something, or didn’t, that was just so awful, like put a child up for adoption, gained weight, or missed saying goodbye to a deceased loved one and you’ve not forgiven yourself for it, then you’re holding yourself hostage to unhappiness. When you know you deserve happiness, you will choose happiness.

OK, here’s a fact. Life is wonderful, especially when we choose to believe in our possibilities, love, ourselves and each other.

DeBora M. Ricks

DeBora M. Ricks is the author of Why Did He Break Up With Me? Lessons in Love, Loss & Letting Go and Love Addicted: One Woman’s Spiritual Journey Through Emotional Dependency and Write That Book! How to Start or Finish the You are Meant to Write. DeBora has appeared on such shows as NPR’s Tell Me More with Michel Martin, WHUR, WOLB, WBAL-TV and WJZ-13. She is also the host of She Struts Radio, on Blogtalkradio. DeBora is the former executive producer of The Anthony McCarthy Show, a WEAA cultural affairs talk show. She travels the globe but calls Baltimore home.  Visit DeBora at www.DeBoraRicks.com

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  • DeBora M. Ricks

    DeBora Dec 20, 2014 at 9:03 am

    Glad you found these Myths useful, DatingTips4Ladies.

    Reply

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