Ever had one of these relationships that never seem to end? The romance is over with, but the relationship continues on. You’re supposed to be broken up, yet he never seems to quite go away. He may disappear for months, but you can bet your sweet patootie he’ll reappear, or call at the most unexpected moments. So what should you do, cut him off?
Well that depends.
If the relationship is really over, then why can’t he seem to let you go? And why do you put up with the nonsense? My guess is you’re probably still attracted to him. Otherwise why not pull the plug, and focus on people who are into you.
Yeah, I know I’ve heard it too many times. “It’s complicated.”
What’s complicated about a guy who doesn’t know his own mind, or expects you to go along with his program?
I’ll share with you my own story. Just days before I graduated college, I met a man I’ll call Phil. Phil was getting his Masters at a nearby Ivy League school. We dated through the summer and well into the fall. I got a job in New York and Phil continued plugging away on his MBA in Upstate New York. The communication eventually fell off. I moved on and met the man I would later marry.
Three years later, Phil contacted me. He was ready to proceed with a relationship and had great plans for us, except those plans were never communicated to me. Phil had decided I was exactly what he was looking for, but he had an education to complete (which he did), a well-paying job to find (which he did), and now he was returning to pick up where we left off. My plans by then did not include him, and he was devastated to find out I was no longer available.
So back to our story and what some might consider stalker-like behavior. Why would a normal person not want to let go?
Because they fit into one of these personalities:
Mr. Low Self Esteem sees the inevitable coming.
He’s into you, but doesn’t think you’ll last, because he thinks he can’t measure up. It’s a case of break things off before you do.
He’s commitment shy
When things heat up his feet get cold. He returns only when his emotions are firmly in check. The cycle continues, because reluctant as he is to have a relationship, he can’t seem to let you go.
Then there’s the planner, like my old friend, Phil. His life has to be in perfect order before he moves forward. Since he didn’t communicate his plan to you, there’s a good chance he’s lost you. Now he’s back, hoping that if he hangs in, you’ll see what a catch he is.
What it boils down to, is only you can determine whether any of these guys is worthy of a time investment.
- Are you willing to take on Mr. Low Self Esteem, forever the man-child? Do you have the time to boost his flagging ego?
- What about Mr. Commitment Shy? Will you be forever playing the inevitable game of push and pull with him, knowing whenever you get close he’s liable to bolt?
Overall, the planner may be your best shot, although communication might forever be an issue. He at least comes to you whole, and with your best interest in heart.
But before you write the bunch off, set boundaries, and make your decision based on what’s best for your emotional well-being, and that includes your heart.