By · @SKotz  ·

Triggers. Most of us have them. Sometimes we don’t even notice in the midst of our reactions that we are even triggering.

A trigger is something that sets off a memory or feeling that brings you back to a negative experience that has happened in your past. Triggers are unique to the person and tend to lead to avoidant behavior and or fear based responses.

At times, dating relationships can feel like you’re on a roller coaster. You are on this perpetual train, sometimes there are ups and sometimes there are downs. Those downs can leave us with triggers that have the ability to follow us to new relationships.

Let’s talk about a few examples of triggers. 


Your current partner has plans to go out with his buddies tonight for drinks. Immediately you think, “He’s going to cheat on me!”

Your trigger is related to being cheated on in your previous relationship.

How are you going to approach this situation when this trigger comes up?

  1. Completely lose your mind on your partner. Accuse them of going out in an effort to cheat on you and likely risk losing them. OR
  2. Talk to your partner. Let them know how you’re feeling and what you have experienced in the past. What do you need from them in order to feel better about them going out tonight? Is it just simply them knowing about your trigger? Communicate your feelings and ask for what you need.

You text your partner and don’t hear back from them within an hour. You worry that your partner is breaking up with you and you will never hear from them again.

Your trigger is related to having past partners leave you without communication.

How are you going to approach this situation when this trigger comes up?

  1. Text your partner 5 more times asking them why they’re not responding to your texts and accuse them of leaving you. OR
  2. Talk to your partner. In all likelihood your partner is busy and/or not by their phone. Give them a chance to respond. Then, when they do respond, let them know what it means to you when you don’t hear back from them and how much it means to you when you do hear from them.

If you don’t hear back from your partner, do you really want a partner that ignores you and doesn’t respond?


You meet this great girl and go on a few dates. After a few dates with this girl, you begin to develop feelings for her. All of a sudden you feel the need to pull away. You’re happy, which only means to you that she is just going to hurt you like the “others.”

Your trigger is related to being hurt by women you really loved in the past.

How are you going to approach this situation when this trigger comes up?

  1. Avoid this lovely girl you like so much and never talk to her again. OR
  2. Talk to her. If you like her, tell her. Allow the relationship to unfold naturally and know that whatever happens, is meant for you. If it’s not this girl, you will get through the heart break (as you have done before), stronger than ever and ready for the RIGHT relationship when it’s time.

The best thing to do when encountering a trigger is to:

 STOP. Take a step back for a moment before reacting.

Call the trigger out. Check in with yourself. Is this feeling a trigger/reaction OR an intuitive feeling? A trigger evokes feelings of terror and loss of control. An intuition feels like a sense of knowing. There is an air of calmness rooted within an intuition.

THEN communicate.

Your partner or dating interests are not mind readers. They need to know what you have been through and what you need from them in order to orient through your triggers.

Those that are truly there for you will show up and listen. They won’t leave you. 

Instead of running away from your triggers, face them. Call them out and communicate them.

When you face your triggers and take charge of them, you strip them of their power to rule your love life.


Go watch this video right now and learn how to use tiny little text messages to turn your wife, girlfriend, boyfriend or husband into an absolute “Romance Addict” even if they don’t seem to care one iota about romance now . . . CLICK HERE!

Sarah Kotz

An author, coach and lover of love and life.  Sarah is on a journey to help support girls/women in their pursuit to find love and in the meantime obtaining access to true self-love and happiness.

To find out more about Sarah and obtain a free personal coaching package, click here.

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