I admit it, single friend: It’s partly my fault if you aren’t eagerly dreaming of marriage and children.
I mean, I’m one of those moms who tries to put on a glam front, but you’ve probably seen me secretly picking dried Play-Doh out of the carpet. Or driving a minivan (yes) that smells like an aged Happy Meal. Or desperately bargaining with a small one in the toy section at Target (look, it happens). Those moments don’t appear to add up to an improvement over your Japanese take-out and fancy $12 girls-night-out cocktails.
What I’ve learned from 15 years in the married-with-children scene is that moms and dads are so busy living the dream, we forget our singleton friends, neighbors, and co-workers are studying us like ants under a magnifying glass. And maybe even deciding whether our adulting lifestyle is something to fast-track… or put off indefinitely.
So here are 5 truths about marriage that I’d like to share with you. Not because you’re pushy Aunt Betty put me up to it. But because YOU deserve to know the real deal so you can make smart decisions. It’s a lot easier to find a compatible mate when you’re young and your social scene is filled with other singles. It’s also easier to bring children into your life when you are younger. And finally, when you are dating for marriage — meaning that you’ve consciously admitted to yourself that this is something you want — you make decisions differently. It gives you purpose. You just live life better when you’ve made marriage your goal.
Truth #1: Having Children Increases Romantic Attraction Between You and Your Partner
That look of adoration on your man’s face, as you snuggle together with your little boo — that is the height of romance in any relationship. Whether through adoption, fostering, or biology, the addition of children takes your love story to the next level.
Truth #2: You Are Not Required to “Let Yourself Go” and Pad Around in XXL Joggers
Don’t let the junk food industry normalize the mom bod or dad bod: it is not necessary to pack on extra weight as you get older. Make a deal with yourself now, wherever you’re at, that your fitness level will only increase as the years go forward. (Sure, you’ll probably plateau around age 75 or 80. But you’ll have earned it.) Stay hot and don’t lose your edge! See #3 below.
Truth #3: If Your Sex Life Was Healthy Before Marriage and Children, It Will Remain Healthy Afterwards
While some singles worry that the stress and routine of married life will decrease sexual desire, many couples report the opposite: that being in a supportive, loving relationship actually allows them to let go and experience higher highs than when they were merely dating. Fun fact: Did you know that a woman’s sexual peak doesn’t occur until she’s in her 50s?
Truth #4: You Are NOT Doomed to Repeat Your Parents’ Mistakes
Maybe your parents’ relationship wasn’t ideal — whether they ultimately split up or soldiered on for your sake — but that doesn’t mean you are destined for an unhappy marriage. You’re all grown up now and can carve out your own path.
Truth #5: You Are as Ready as You Ever Need to Be, to Be a Great Spouse or Parent
We learn from doing. It’s okay to want to work on yourself before venturing into the dating pool. But marriage is a team sport and you can’t learn to be a great partner until you step up and play. Re-read #4 above: You and your spouse get to define what a great marriage looks like; not your parents, friends, or neighbors.
My final point might not sound trendy, but it must be said: If marriage is your goal, don’t waste time in a relationship that is not headed there. Men are really, really clear when they want to marry you; there is no guessing and wondering what his intentions are. If you’re not on the same page, the kindest thing is to move on. Yes, love can find you at any age. But why would anyone NOT want to begin this amazing adventure — and starting a family is exactly that — with someone as cool as you?
To most women, “Love” means obsession, craving, absolute dedication, eternal partnership and a willingness to slay dragons just to see you smile… But to men love means ____________. CLICK HERE TO FIND OUT!