All marriages experience an ebb and flow of intimacy that is created by the choices the couple makes individually and together.
So much of the chemistry between a couple depends on their communication with one another and their ability and willingness to establish and sustain important ways to honor one another. A marriage needs a solid foundation on which to build true emotional and sexual intimacy.
There are several necessary elements of building this foundation between intimate partners to keep their connection alive and sizzling. In this article I will briefly address some of those elements in the principles I teach my clients to help them build a solid foundation that nurtures integrity, trust and respect and allows them to deepen their emotional and sexual intimacy.
Every conflict between a couple can be traced back to the failure of the individuals within the couple to keep these principles consistently within their relationship. Some conflicts involve more than one violation of these principles. You will know you are violating them when you feel it viscerally in your heart. There is a failure to follow your moral compass where your partner is concerned and it leads to distancing in your relationship. These are areas that will need repair work to rebuild integrity, trust and respect and restore true intimacy!
Here are some of the vital components each marriage partner needs to give and receive in your relationship to keep it flowing well:
Relationship Principles of Integrity, Trust & Respect
1. Joint Agreement between both people in the marriage about how things roll on all matters that affect both people.
Finding a way to reach a joint agreement on everything that affects each of you allows both partners to sustain your power in the marriage by maintaining equality. This principle applies to finances, social life, where to live, friendships outside the marriage, sexual intimacy, parenting, etc. Without this principle actively working in a relationship, you and your partner distance yourselves from one another. Who wants to be intimate with someone who is neglecting your needs, feelings, rights or desires in the relationship by always being the one to control decisions that affect both of you? It’s a deal breaker for true intimacy!
2. Openness, Honesty & Truthfulness in communication supports both emotional and sexual intimacy between both of you.
Honesty is an accurate reporting of your feelings, needs, wants and desires. Truthfulness is an accurate reporting of the events of your life such as your daily activities. Saying what you mean and meaning what you say is paramount to creating safety that leads to vulnerability and intimacy between both of you. Both partners need to provide the safety of listening without judgment, blame or shame to the other one.
3. Loyalty towards one another means you and your partner don’t say or do anything you wouldn’t say or do if your partner were standing right beside you.
Keeping this principle active between you and your mate prevents a world of hurt.
As you go through life together many conflicts can be completely avoided by keeping these principles and one of the biggest advantages is the prevention of infidelity, which is a violation of all three of these principles. Keeping these principles in your marriage or relationship is the best setup for the success of loving intimacy between you and your mate!