Are you overanalyzing his every move?
Here’s how to overcome self-consciousness and self-judgment in the early stages of a relationship:
- Do you struggle to be yourself around your date?
- Are you scared to communicate how you’re feeling?
- Do you overanalyze every action, text and moment?
- Do you obsess about them accepting and “picking” you?
- Are you worrying about initiating contact with them?
When you start really liking someone it’s almost as if a switch goes off and all your perceived “coolness” goes out the window.
When you weren’t invested, you said everything and anything that came to mind, you could be yourself and you weren’t worried that they would potentially leave you. The hardest part is, no matter how hard you try in those early days, now you can’t go back. You like them, like really like them.
Overcoming self-consciousness in the beginning stages of your dating relationship can be discouraging and overwhelming. Over analysis as a result of self-consciousness can plague our mind and our spirit.
What can seem rational in the moment, can snowball into:
- He decided to leave our date earlier then anticipated, does this mean he didn’t want to spend time with me?
- He read my message and didn’t respond for hours, is he ending things with me?
- I can’t believe I said that to him, he must think I’m a complete idiot!
- Who is that girl in the background of his Instagram photo, three people behind and to the left, do they have something going on?
- I just can’t relax around him yet, I wonder if he notices?
- What if he thinks I am not good enough for him once I show him my true self?
First of all, let’s acknowledge that for the most part, we have all asked ourselves at least one of these questions in the initial stages of a relationship.
Release yourself from judgment right now.
We are human and when we like someone, it’s human nature to want to please and make others happy, especially when we’re really invested in them.
When we begin to feel self conscious in the early stages of a relationship, we lose a lot of our authenticity in trying to be someone we’re not. To some degree, there is a paralysis embedded in fear. With this paralysis and self consciousness comes a lot of self-judgment which can manifest into many different responses from us including; clinginess, withdrawal and even rejection of the person before they reject us.
So how do you overcome self-consciousness and self-judgment of yourself in these early days?
First of all, recognize that no relationship is perfect.
You are not perfect and neither is the person you are dating. Take them off that pedestal. The person you are dating is a person just like you; in fact they are likely just as nervous as you, even though they may not be showing it.
Second, the right person for you will love and cherish your authentic self.
If they don’t, they’re not for you.
Third, ask yourself where all these self-judgments are coming from.
Have you been hurt before?
Do you believe you’re lovable?
Do you believe all relationships are doomed?
Changing our internal dialogue and how we treat ourselves can have dramatic effects on our outside world. A lot of the time we create confabulations or mistruths in our minds when we’re afraid to get hurt and are struggling with self-consciousness. When we make conclusions from fear-based assumptions, we lose every time. Fear lies.
Instead, take some time to breathe and reflect. How does it really feel to be around this person? In bouts of calmness, what does your intuition tell you? Understanding where our thought processes originated can stop us from redirecting our mistruths and hurt on others, allowing us to be more open to new relationships and people. So, the next time a fear based thought comes up in your mind, ask yourself, is this thought true? Where is this thought coming from?
Fourth, trust your life. When we begin to trust our life and let go of the people who are being eradicated from our life, we begin to feel lighter and calmer when approaching any relationship. We begin to trust that whatever and whomever is meant for us, can’t escape us.