By · @Shandasays  ·  · 274 Shares

Passion. A strong and barely controllable emotion. It embodies the true definition of losing yourself over to sex, love and complete consciousness.

I have proudly been a woman who’s lived my life with great passion. It has costs me some tears, but to be completely honest with you, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m known for being lustful and passionate about the men I’ve loved.

Throwing myself into complete abandon. The affection. The attention. The intimacy of touch and eye contact. And yes, wanton lovemaking. I want it all. Living my love life like a steamy romance novel is my ideal. But, meeting the man that matches my passion and understands it has been my quandary.

Passion... Why It's the Sweetest PainThe beginning is always the sweetest. The anticipation of seeing each other. The texts. The calls. The naughty pictures you send to keep the passion growing and fervor high is all fun and exciting!

And then out of the blue, one day it just stops.

And for most couples, it’s not something you notice right away. Quietly sneaking up on you both like a person hiding in plain sight. Somewhere, somehow, the fervor and flame have burned down to embers. The high flame of passion can easily be replaced by the demands of life. Be it career, parenting, finances. It could be anything that demands your effort that changes things.

And that’s where I believe the smoking gun is. In a word, EFFORT.

My mother told me many years ago, “Shan if it’s important to you, you’ll put in the effort.” Short and to the point.  But truly think of the impact of it’s meaning. Passion is an effort I made a priority in my love life. Not sure if the men I’ve loved put in the same effort I did.

Somehow excuses and time take away from the importance of each other when it comes to passion and the things you do for each other to keep the passion alive and a priority. I’ve heard so many times that over a certain amount of years, passion goes out the window and comfort takes its place.

And that’s not necessarily a bad thing and for many people it’s ok. But, I’m not an “ok” type of woman. And why should I have to give it up because of time? Or any of us for that reason?

Why can’t the effort be made by us both on a continual basis throughout time? 

Let’s make the effort to tongue kiss. All the time. Caress my face when people are watching.

Make love outside, in the car. Sneakily follow me into a restroom stall and touch me there. Call me and say what you love about me at two in the afternoon when you miss me instead of two a.m. only because you want to sex me.

Let me touch your mind continually on why I love and need you. Why I moan your name when you make love to me. And in the quiet moments, when we’re in the car and you hold my hand and bring it to your lips and kiss it gently. No words. Just eye connection.

Dam, I love love. And in the end, I know it will be my undoing. But, I embrace it with sweet abandon. My sweetest pain.

Shanda Freeman

Open and refreshingly candid Author Shanda Freeman, shares her love and relationship articles and advice to empower and inspire readers to healthier, happier relationships and marriages. Shanda is no stranger to love and enjoys sharing her expressive and alternative views on love and intimacy to her readers. Her articles evoke passion, relatability, humor and welcoming transparency.

Shanda’s highly successful youtube channel can be seen at and be sure to follow her on all social media platforms @Shandasays  Her highly successful book “Pro Man Woman” has garnered five and four stars on Barnes and and respectively.

What Do You Think?

9 Comments | Join the discussion

  • Annette May 5, 2017 at 4:16 pm

    And when this happens, what can you do to fix it?

  • Barnaby May 5, 2017 at 4:00 pm

    Wonderfully written – I have all the passion, romance, excitement and desire for my girlfriend of five years that I had at the beginning , maybe even more so ! She still drives me crazy … but these days she won’t allow herself to be seduced, she responds with, “the woman decides when ” or “let me come to you when I’m ready”, and it’s great when she does but the worst thing is her acceptance of “the honeymoon​ period”, like there’s nothing you can do about it. I’ve never experienced it ! Your article inspires lovers to not accept it either and to nurture that passion that makes them feel so connected, confident and alive.

  • Asia Mone't Apr 20, 2017 at 12:37 pm

    I Love the author’s transparency in this article. Giving us a glimpse into how she experiences love and passion. It has actually made me reminance about beautiful beginnings of my love affair. And has opened my eyes to things that I would like to recapture worh my partner.

  • John Harris Apr 20, 2017 at 12:04 am

    It was revealing, informative and exciting. Great article!!

  • Mel Peoples Apr 19, 2017 at 4:45 pm

    The article really opened my eyes. At 45 I have alot going on, but I should never let my passion for my spouse lack. Regretfully, I have been. I have followed Shanda since her show Man and Wife. I should know better. I will do better and continue to look for her articles On this site.


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